


The Son

by frostmoongoddess



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, I mean kind of, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Not Reylo, Original Character(s), Original Character-centric, POV Original Character, Past Sexual Assault, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Pre-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, TROS? idk her, but not really, jk i enjoyed it but we have to pretend like it didn’t happen, literally the trailer dropped two days before I published this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-14
Updated: 2019-05-23
Packaged: 2020-01-13 03:11:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 36,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18460265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frostmoongoddess/pseuds/frostmoongoddess
Summary: Ead Ren is the son of Supreme Leader of the First Order Kylo Ren and admiral of the Resistance Army Rey. Ead is Force-sensitive, which makes his estranged parents fight over who should be the rightful parent. Just like his father, Ead struggles between the Dark and Light side of the Force. He longs for his mother's affection, yet he wants to gain his father's power. The internal struggle is so great, he runs away to parts of the galaxy.A human girl born and raised on the planet Yweh Nan lives the life of an ignored princess. The planet refuses to take part in the galactic battle beyond, but the girl is very much intrigued by the news she hears. One night, she sees a ship from space crash not too far from where she lives and embarks on helping...[written pre-IX, post-VIII]





	1. A Single Candle's Flame

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, everyone! I want to warn you all that this story alludes to a sexual assault, and this is basically a trigger warning because I know it can be painful to read! No actual assault takes place within the story, but one is often mentioned throughout the course of this work. Spoiler, yes, but I'd rather you all be safe! Thank you!

 

* * *

_A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...._

_Supreme Leader Kylo Ren of the First Order continues his mission to snuff out the growing Resistance and Rey, the last of the Jedi. Although he has mostly turned to the Dark side, Light still stirs within him._

_Rey the Scavenger has turned into Admiral Rey of the Resistance. Far from a Jedi master, she continues to learn the ways of the Force. At the same time, her high-ranking position is known only to those closest to General Leia Organa. Rey is already targeted by the First Order. However, in recent months, the First Order has lost track of her. Kylo Ren grows impatient and frustrated as the fire that is the Rebellion grows out of control._

_Worst of all, he has a son that he is determined to find..._

\-----

The mother of his child? That scavenger who somehow became a Jedi and master of the Force, Rey.

He only knew when he felt something in the Force. Something with light and hope and love. He heard something almost at the exact same time. A female voice, one he had never heard before.

_"...a single candle's flame in the darkest of nights..."_

He connected with Rey through the Force again, and she laid alone, holding a bundle wrapped in a blanket. She sat up, stared at him with cold, hating eyes.

Was she going to call him a monster again? He wouldn't blame her after what he had done to her.

"He's yours," Rey stated, her voice with that same old casual, cold conviction.

Her hair, usually with a portion tied up, was left entirely down. Locks stuck to her face, drenched in sweat. Her eyes had large, dark bags. Still, she was as alive and lively as ever.

For a moment, Kylo hesitated. What was he supposed to say? Standing frozen, he looked at that little bundle in her arms.

"What's his name?" he asked at last. His voice came out much weaker and softer than he intended. What was _wrong_ with him?

"Why do you care?" Rey demanded harshly. "Get out. Leave me alone. You don't deserve to meet your son after what you did to me."

"Then why do you intend on keeping him?" Kylo asked, stepping forward.

Rey scuffled backwards, but her back had already pressed against some invisible wall.

"I want to give him something neither you nor I ever had," she said, her voice still strong and her eyes still on Kylo. "A family."

"And how do you expect to do that when yours left you?" Kylo pressed on, trying to take advantage of her Achilles' heel.

"Because I have yours," she responded, surprisingly calm with no hesitation.

His own family? Kylo killed Han Solo. His grandfather still haunted his mind but was physically gone. Luke Skywalker became one with the Force. But he still had his mother.

_No._

"Was it her idea?" Kylo asked, growing more agitated, more angry. "Did she tell you to keep him?!"

"No, _I_ wanted to keep him," Rey responded. "Leia was kind enough to help me with everything. She _understands_ . She _loves_ . She says that she will help raise him because she regrets not raising _you_."

Every single word cut Kylo deeper than any lightsaber could. The right side of his face throbbed where the wound she inflicted upon him left its scar.

"I will find him," Kylo declared. "You cannot hide my own flesh and blood from me!"

" _Our_ flesh and blood!" Rey snapped back. "If you lay even a finger on him, I will never forgive you!"

"Do you already not?" Kylo asked, taking several steps forward.

Rey flinched, and Kylo realized that her parents were no longer her weakness, no longer made her afraid or cry; it was _himself_ now.

"Stay back!" she cried, holding her hand out. "Get out! Leave us alone!"

Kylo quickened his steps, and Rey began to cry out louder, holding their son closer to her chest and curling up, her back to Kylo. He was going to make her face him, make her under him again, make her cry and scream and beg to stop again, but something made him stop. A noise. A noise that tore at his heart and made him freeze. He loomed over the curled-up Rey now.

The sound of a crying baby.

Rey gasped, suddenly sitting up and shushing the child. Kylo could not see the child himself, but he saw the blanket he was in. He saw Rey's fear and trauma completely vanish. He saw that deep down, it was love for this child that prevailed over her fear — her hatred — of Kylo. Rey then began to cradle the blanket bundle; she was humming softly with a gentle smile on her face. It was as though Kylo wasn't even there (well, physically, he wasn't).

Watching her in that moment, Kylo felt love, felt remorse for his actions. He wanted to be there with his son. He wanted to hold his son. He wanted to love his son.

Rey glanced towards Kylo, her face different now. She looked at him with peace, not terror.

"It's not too late," she said warmly. "I can feel how much you want to love him. You can still turn away from the Dark side."

"But would you forgive me for what I did to you?" he asked, almost stuttering.

"I would. Do you know why?"

Kylo remained silent, his eyes still fixed on the blanket.

"Because that was the Dark side in you. If you turned to the Light, then the man who assaulted me is dead."

Kylo met Rey's eyes. They looked so sincere. How could she be so forgiving? _Her_ , of all people? Any Jedi — any being with sentience in the galaxy, even — would still abhor him for what he did to Rey even if he turned to the Light side. Yet here she was, willing to embrace him not as her attacker, but as the father of her son — if Kylo turned and rebuffed the Dark side. Why?

"I don't want your forgiveness," Kylo said abruptly. "I want my son. I am the Supreme Leader. I take what I want."

Rey's eyes turned cold and harsh again, but the invisible infant in her arms began to cry again. She began humming and singing to him, ignoring Kylo. Her voice began to grow more faint and echoing, and her image blurred.

He was back on his ship now. Flying through space, searching for any planet or large enough asteroid the Resistance might leech off for a base. He sat down in his grand throne, putting a hand to his face.

"Call in Hux," he ordered caustically to the guards nearby.


	2. A True Family

On the oceanic planet Ahch-To, Rey made a home for her and her son, trying her best to hide from the war raging in the galaxy above and beyond.

Often times, General Leia Organa (Rey still wasn't sure either to call her "General," "General Leia," "General Organa," or just "Leia," even though Leia herself insisted Rey to call her the last), Poe, BB-8, Finn, and Rose would visit. Rey always had R2-D2 and Chewie with her, but they were (more often than not) not much help.

Her son, named Ead, was six years old now. He looked mostly like his father: that long, wavy hair; the austere resting face. At the same time, he had Rey's eyes, her nose, her hair color, her spirit.

The sky was bright and clear with wisps of white high up in the atmosphere like stray Porg down feathers. The Caretakers gave Rey and Ead friendly glance of a hello. Rey and Ead walked to the burnt tree, Rey carrying the belongings they would need for the day.

"Mama?" Ead asked.

"What is it, dear?"

"Can you read the story again? About the Jedi?"

Rey, while reading the ancient Jedi text, also told Ead the stories of Luke Skywalker, of her own adventures. But Ead seemed to like Luke's much better.

When Rey first landed back on Ahch-To, she found Luke's cloak on the rock on the cliff. She kept it, since she had given Leia the remnants of his lightsaber. All the while, she had her own saber to use: double-ended and blue. It reminded her of her trusty quarterstaff, which she gave to Ead to train with.

They taught each other, essentially. Sure, Rey read the books, but she put what she learned into practice with and in front of Ead.

Ead, despite being so young, proved to be very bright and skillful.

"Mama?"

"Yes, dear?"

"When's Uncle Poe, Uncle Finn, and Auntie Rose gonna visit? And what about Grandma?"

"Soon, Eadie, they will soon."

"What about Daddy?"

Rey froze; Ead had never, in his whole life, asked about his father before.

"Who told you about him?" Rey asked.

"Well, last time Uncle Finn was here, he said that I looked just like Daddy. That he hates Daddy but loves me. Auntie Rose said that Uncle Finn shouldn't say that around me because Daddy isn't around anymore. I asked them if Daddy would ever be around again, but they didn't answer me! Uncle Poe just said that I only need you, Mama."

"Uncle Poe is right," Rey said, smiling. Deep inside her, though, something weighed her heart down. "Daddy isn't coming back. Daddy is a bad person."

"Is he the bad guy in your story?" Ead asked, eyes wide. "He killed his own dad? And rules all the bad guys in the galaxy? With his giant evil ship?"

"Yes." Rey nodded. "He did all those bad things, but there's still some good inside him. He did some good things. He saved my life and risked his own. He..."

Come to think of it, what  _ other _ good things did Kylo Ren do other than killing Snoke and helping Rey defeat the guards? And even then, he took advantage of that and made himself the Supreme Leader.

"Why is Daddy such a bad person when Mama is so nice?" Ead asked, his large, brown eyes growing. "Does that mean I'm part evil!?"

"No, you silly goose!" Rey laughed. "As long as Daddy keeps ruling the bad guys, he will keep being a bad person. And as long as you are here with me while he rules the bad guys, you won't be evil!"

A ship came down from above. Rey recognized it as one of the Resistance's and immediately stood up and waved to signal where to land. When the ship landed, four people (and one droid) walked out: Leia, Poe, Finn, and Rose. Within minutes, the ship left again; the visitors were going to be here for a while.

"Grandma! Uncle Poe! Uncle Finn! Auntie Rose! BB-8!" Ead jumped up and sprinted towards them.

"My, you've grown!" Leia beamed as Ead hugged each one of the guests. BB-8 chirped merrily as Ead knelt down and embraced the droid.

"Kid keeps growing every time we see him!" Poe laughed. "Rey, what're you feeding him?"

"Hey, champ!" Rose smiled.

Rose found herself bending her knees rather than bending at the waist to meet his eyes now.

"Wow! Look at you! You're gonna be taller than me by tomorrow if you keep growing!" she said to Ead.

"Any kid can be taller than you," Finn joked. Rose slugged his shoulder in response.

"Eadie, you ever think about cutting that mane of yours?" Finn turned to the young boy with a smile. A wavy lock of hair had fallen into Ead's face, so Finn knelt down and tucked the long lock behind the boy's ear.

In fact, Ead's hair reached all the way down his back.

"No...what?" the boy asked, tilting his head to one side.

"Uncle Finn's saying that because you look like a girl," Poe laughed. "He almost wondered when Ead got a twin sister!"

"What's wrong with looking like a girl?" Ead asked. "My hair is longer than Mama's  _ and _ Auntie Rose's!"

The whole group laughed. Leia then bent down to her grandson, saying, "You know, Uncle Finn asked that because it's not healthy to have long hair without a little trim once in a while!"

"What? Why, Grandma?"

"Because you get split ends!"

"What's that, Grandma?"

"It's when the  _ ends _ of your hair  _ split _ !" Rose chimed in. "Like this!" She held up her index and middle finger, initially stuck together then separated them like hand scissors.

"But how? Hair is so  _ tiny _ !" Ead grabbed a lock of his hair and held it in front of his face, crossing his eyes in an attempt to find a split end.

"Your hair is always in knots and tangles!" Rey laughed. "You always try to rip the brush right through your head!  _ That's _ why!"

"Mama, how come you don't cut my hair then?"

"You never asked, darling!"

"Well, I want one now... _ please _ ?! Can Uncle Finn do it?  _ Please _ , mama!?"

"If it's all right with Uncle Finn — " Rey said, looking to Finn.

"Of course I'll do it!" Finn beamed, walking right up to Ead and walking back to a hut, Rose chasing after them.

As their bright chatter faded away, Rey and Leia stood beside each other with silent smiles on their faces.

"I hope he's not too much trouble for you all by yourself," Leia said to Rey at last.

"Of course not!" Rey responded almost too quickly and eagerly. "Besides, I'm never alone; I've got you, Poe, and Finn and Rose. I couldn't be more grateful for that."

"He reminds me so much of Ben..." Leia commented, her face softening. Rey almost had to stop herself from wincing; it was true, Ead really did look like his father. Suddenly, the general turned to Rey and said, "Take me to where Luke became one with the Force."

Rey led the general to the spot on the cliffs. She remembered the almost-too-brief training she had with the legendary Skywalker.

"I found his cloak in the water when I returned," was all Rey could add before Leia walked up to the piled stones, gently pressing a hand onto them. "I figured he was here last. I'm sure he had the perfect view of the sunset."

"He's looking for him," Leia interrupted. Rey didn't need any clarification on that.

"Declared me the enemy of the First Order, to bring me and Ead alive before him — yes, I'm aware. Not to mention the war going on already," Rey pursed her lips together. "But they can't find me here."

"He's searching every inch of the galaxy," Leia continued with a sigh. "It won't be long until he finds yours. You know, his ship came nose to nose with mine. But there was no firing. Nothing. I sensed him through the Force, and I knew he sensed me. Then...he just turned right around and left. It wasn't the first time, but this time it meant something different."

"The war's on pause until — " Rey began, with Leia finishing, "until he gets Ead."

The two women stood there in silence, listening to only the wind howl through the cave behind them.

"You can't hide here forever," Leia advised. "Luke tried to, and look what happened."

"It turned out for the better, didn't it?" Rey countered docily. "And besides, when Ead's old enough to defend himself, we won't have to hide here."

"And when do you suppose that will be?"

Rey didn't know how to answer that. She hoped it would be soon, but at the same time she didn't want her little boy to be forced to grow up so fast.


	3. Darkest of Nights

The moment Ead was born was something Rey could never forget — for more reasons than the obvious one. It was her firstborn child, her flesh and blood. She endured hours of painful suffering. She made a choice to have him and to make him not a painful reminder of a traumatic event, but a symbol of hope and light and love. However, most striking of all was something that instilled Rey’s worst fear.

When Ead took his first breath, Rey heard the voice of a girl. It was unfamiliar, yet it resonated with Rey. Her tone was warm, but her message was chilling:

_ ”…darkest of nights…” _

And lo and behold, Kylo Ren appeared before her through the Force! However, Rey had no doubts. Thinking back, she joked to herself that the strange voice was making a funny little play on words. Still, she knew deep down in her heart what it meant for Ead: a mother of light and a father of darkness. If Kylo Ren was conflict, then what of Ead? 

Rey didn't know what to expect from Kylo Ren. After everything they'd been through — no, after everything he'd done — it was impossible to trust him or even predict what he would do.

Often times, Rey would place herself into his shoes: if Kylo had Ead, wouldn't she do everything in her power to find him? Was it cruel of her to keep Ead from him? To paint him as a monster to an innocent child?

The truth always came down to the fact that Kylo Ren was a monster. If he was a decent person, he wouldn't have dared to lure and attack Rey, to —

No, that awful moment was still too bitter to think about. She despised Kylo Ren, but she still had hope for Ben Solo.

Finn had cut Ead's hair to be exactly (well, their hair textures were different, but it was close) like his own. Rey couldn't stop laughing for a few days.

"Where's Uncle Poe?" Ead asked the adults.

"He's got a special task assigned to him," Leia said with a bright smile on her face.

And that was true; Poe's assignment was to trail Kylo Ren's every motion. Just his flagship, to be exact. On more than one occasion, however, Poe caught Kylo leaving for days on end in a smaller private ship.

_ "Like a lone mission," _ Poe had reported.  _ "But every time I follow him, he just comes back with nothing. Think he's on the lookout for the kiddo." _

Rey had no doubt of it. She also had no doubt that Ead would exhibit Force-sensitive behavior.

During another visit of Leia, Finn, and Rose's, Ead accidentally caused a spoon to fly out a window when he got too excited about Finn and Rose's promise of a gift. Leia exchanged a glance to Rey, and the younger woman knew exactly what the General was thinking: would Ead follow his father's footsteps?

After they had gone, Rey had to make her own decision: suppress the Force in Ead, or train him in it. She chose the latter since secrets always revealed themselves after so long. She ended up teaching herself and her son the ways of the Jedi and of the Force in general. Sometimes, she'd catch him copying the poses she'd do.

Her training turned sour when she sensed Kylo Ren one night.

Rey had chosen to wander to the edge of that mirror cave that almost lured her to the Dark side. She stood there for the longest time, thinking about what she had seen the first time and what she would see if she went back in. She spent the whole time wondering what she'd see instead of actually going inside and seeing for herself. When she started back to the hut, the moon was high in the sky. She thought she was still sensing Darkness from the cave until she heard Ead's merry laughter; it made her stop dead in her tracks. Ead was supposed to be sleeping at such a late hour.

Rey slowly made her way to the hut's entrance and peeked inside.

She saw Ead sitting at the center of the hut and across from him, sitting crisscross, was Kylo Ren — well, it was a Force connection that she managed to intrude upon. Or did Kylo do connect all three of them on purpose?

Ead had lifted his hand and made the simple wooden table and benches levitate.

"Wow!" Kylo exclaimed in a voice that was too joyous, too light, too playful to be his own. "What else can you show to Papa?"

"Oh!" Ead gently let the objects he had lifted down to the ground again. "I know! Mama always does this and I try to follow her! But she's so fast!"

Ead stood up and grabbed a large stick from against the wall. He then did a series of thrusts, parries, kicks, and spins with the branch as if it were a quarterstaff. With every move, Kylo let out a _ "Whoa!" _ or a _ "Wow!" _

Rey couldn't help but smile, watching her son imitate her. It felt like, for a moment, they were all a happy family. If things didn't go wrong; if Ben Solo turned to the Light or was never even tempted by Snoke.

It happened so fast that Rey almost didn't think it happened; Kylo Ren's head tilted infinitesimally, his eyes doing the most movement and locking right on hers.

Suddenly, Ead held the end of the stick right up Kylo's head as if he were threatening his father. Kylo our his hands up in mock surrender, his eyebrows lifting and jaw dropping in a pretend-surprise.

"Oh, no!" Kylo continued speaking in that playful voice. "You've got me!"

"You have to fight back!" Ead demanded. "Are you good at fighting, Papa?"

"Of course!" Kylo then stood up, towering over the child.

Ead was always taller compared to children his age (according to Finn, Rose, and Leia who always said that). Six years old, and the top of his head reached the middle of Kylo's stomach.

"When will you visit? Mama says you're bad. Is it because you're busy?" Ead asked.

"Do you think I'm bad?" Kylo asked in return, kneeling down and leaning closer to his son.

"I think you're bad because you never come to see me or Mama," Ead answered with a pout. Rey saw a smile spread across on Kylo's face.

"Aren't I visiting you now?"

"But I can't hug you! Or play fighting with you! It's not the same! I want you to be here! And so you can say sorry to Mama for being bad to her because you left her here all alone!"

That smile wiped off Kylo's face startlingly quickly. Rey could sense that although Ead was so innocent, his words resonated on a different scale.

"I'm trying to find you," Kylo said. "But you and your mother are playing a big game of hide and seek with me."

"I don't want to play it anymore," Ead huffed. "Come find us, Papa!"

"You have to tell me where you are," Kylo instructed.

"I don't...know where we are," Ead muttered, shifting his feet a little.

"Well, describe what's around you."

Kylo knew this place. If Ead, even in his own simple words, revealed anything, Kylo would know immediately. Rey took several steps back and shouted, "Ead!? Are you awake!? I hear voices! Are you talking to someone in there!?"

She then walked, making her steps loud and deliberate. Right as she passed through the doorway, she saw Kylo's form fade away.

"Ead? What are you doing awake at this hour, you little duck!?" Rey asked her son with a smile.

"I met Papa!" Ead jumped into his mother's arms.

"Papa?" Rey echoed, pretending to be pleasantly surprised.

"Papa said you and him and me are in a big game of hide and seek and that he can't find us! He's nice, Mama! Do you think he's bad because he doesn't visit us?"

Rey pressed her lips together before saying, "He's bad because he hurts people."

"But he didn't hurt me!"

"That's because you're his son. He even hurt me."

"Did he hurt Grandma? Uncle Finn? Auntie Rose? Uncle Poe?"

Slowly and sadly, Rey nodded. Ead's eyes widened.

"He said I look just like him. Except my hair is brown and his is black. Mama, I don't wanna look like a bad person!"

"You don't look like him, Eadie," Rey reassured as she hugged her son close. "Especially not after Uncle Finn's haircut."

"I want my haircut all the time by Uncle Finn now!"

Rey smiled brightly.

"Of course, Eadie. Anything for you."


	4. Loss

A year went by. Ead turned 7 years old. Kylo Ren had yet to connect with him or Rey via the Force.

Ead always asked about his father, and Rey tried to come up with optimistic answers. However, she knew Kylo would try to not only find Ead but also take him away. The Force was strong in Ead — more so than in herself. Rey could not allow Kylo to influence Ead, but she would allow Ben Solo.

In the meantime, Ead spent his abilities (which he kept refining and perfecting with each passing day) helping the Caretakers with their day-to-day activities. They loved Ead but still had yet to warm up to Rey.

Rey was content. During that year, she never once thought about her own parents. She had Leia, Ead, Finn, and Rose (Poe would make brief contact before fading to static every so often). She no longer wanted to think about what she could've had with her lost family; she only focused on making sure Ead never felt the way she did.

And this particular visit of the top Resistance leaders meant another haircut for Ead. Leia and Rey discussed events that had happened since their last visit on the cliff of the Temple Island while Finn and Rose and Ead stayed back in the hut.

"Are you sure you should be visiting me so often?" Rey asked Leia.

"It's been so long since last time!"

"It's been 42 days, actually," Rey responded with a smile. "Ead keeps a tally on the hut walls. The Caretakers think I do it, though. They don't appreciate it."

"I'm sure they don't!" Leia laughed elegantly. "Well, it may have been only 42 days, but it sure felt like 42 years!"

Rey laughed along, but she knew that although Leia had her responsibility with leading the Resistance, her motherly instinct kicked in when it came to Ead. He had a potential, and it could veer in any direction.

"How is he? I see he's been practicing," Leia switched topics.

"Better than I ever was," Rey responded. "7 years old, and he can already do what I did when I started learning how to use the Force!"

"That means you're a great teacher," Leia reassured.

"At this rate, I'm afraid I'll run out of things to teach him, and it'll be the both of us learning!"

"I think that's the best kind of experience. It could be fun, you know!"

Suddenly, something filled Rey's chest with dread: the Darkness. Leia must have felt it too, as the two women looked to each other. This Darkness, so powerful and formidable, meant only one thing: Kylo Ren.

Rey quickly aided Leia's side, and the two of them raced back to the hut. The Caretakers were running wildly, screaming things in their language. Some even grabbed at Rey's clothes, wanting to lead her somewhere, while others pointed. The two women hastened their pace back up to the village where they saw a small, dark spacecraft (which had crushed some huts in its landing) right across the hut from where Ead and Rey lived.

Ead's cries rang out, prompting Leia to separate from Rey and start ahead towards the hut. When Rey and Leia stood where the door once was (somebody must have made a dramatic entrance), Kylo Ren stood in the center of the hut with a hand raised, holding up Finn and Rose in a Force chokehold while Ead hugged his father's leg, begging for Kylo to "stop hurting Uncle Finn and Auntie Rose!"

"Ead!" Rey cried while Leia shouted, "Ben!"

"Mama!" Ead turned and started towards his mother and grandmother as Kylo dropped Finn and Rose. He then grabbed the back of Ead's shirt, pulling him back. "Papa! Let me go! It's Mama and Grandma!"

Yet Kylo kept a strong grip and ignored Ead's struggling.

"I told you, you can't hide my flesh and blood from me!" the Supreme Leader declared. "He's strong with the Force, I see. Stronger than me, even. He is my son and the heir apparent to the First Order! He must be trained properly!"

"You mean trained in the Dark side!" Rey corrected. "You cannot force our son to go down the same path you did!"

"Same path?" Kylo echoed. "This child has been deprived of what true power feels like! You're no better than Skywalker, hiding out on this pathetic planet! I'll burn it all down again if I have to!"

"Ben, let Ead go," Leia spiked up suddenly, her voice calm yet urging. Kylo's bold and determined demeanor faltered before he made himself continue.

"You've forfeited the right to tell me what to do!" he shouted at his mother. "I'm the Supreme Leader now, and this is my son. The future of the First Order rides on  _ his  _ shoulders!"

Kylo then dragged his son out the door, using the Force to push Rey and Leia out of the way. The two women flew backwards. The sheer force and suddenness of Kylo's attack rendered them immobile, and they both landed on the ground several meters away from the father and son. Leia had hit her head, and she was knocked unconscious. In the swirl of the world as Rey tried to regain a sense of where she was, she swore she saw Kylo freeze and widen his eyes.

"Mama! Grandma!" Ead cried.

"Ead!" Rey screamed, trying to get back on her feet, only for Kylo to Force-push her back down.

Rey tried to pick herself back up when she saw Finn and Rose running to Leia.

"Grandma!" Ead's voice grew softer as Kylo took him to the spacecraft he arrived in. "Mama! Help Grandma!"

Rey was already taking a running start as the doors of the craft closed, silencing her son's desperate cries. She could feel the heat as it started up.

"Rey!" Finn and Rose behind her exclaimed.

Rey gave all her strength and willpower into her legs for a mighty leap. She tried using the Force to aid her, but it was too late; Kylo's ship had gotten too far off the ground too fast, and it was too large for Rey to use the Force on it.

She fell back into her hands and knees, quickly looking up as the craft began to fade into the atmosphere.

_ "No!"  _ she let out an agonizing wail that practically resonated throughout the whole planet. She had finally broken; she began to sob in her hands as Finn ran up to her, comforting her and reassuring her.

Kylo had taken Ead; Rey was desolate and heartbroken. As her sobs faded away, Rey took up the responsibility of caring for the unconscious Leia. When a Resistance ship came to pick up the general after several weeks, she had yet to awaken; Rey feared that Leia never would. Leia was fighting for her life, but it wouldn’t be enough this time. 

Ahch-To was abandoned one more time. 

Rey held Leia’s hand, feeling its comforting coolness. She felt all of Leia’s hope and love, struggle and resolve, conflict and peace, regret and content. There were the brief moments of happiness with her son, Ben Solo. Intense grief when she lost him to Snoke. She filled her heart by leading the Resistance. Reuniting with Han Solo and her brother, Luke Skywalker before losing them both. Horror at what happened to Rey at the hands of Kylo Ren. A new love upon seeing Ead and a newfound dedication. 

General Leia Organa passed away two months after the abduction of Ead. It felt as though the entire galaxy went still. She was cremated on Coruscant. The entire ship was surprised when they passed by several First Order ones without a scratch. Indeed, the galaxy was mourning; thousands attended. Rey saw Kylo at the pyre ceremony, and she felt both sympathy and rage. It was  _ his  _ fault Leia was gone, but at the same time, Rey senses Kylo’s guilt; he didn’t mean to. However, once the ceremony was over and the crowd began to disperse, Kylo had disappeared. 

Rey was filled with a new resolution. If Kylo Ren spent seven years searching for Ead, Rey would do the same — and more if she had to. However, now that Kylo had Ead, the galactic search would be off and the war would continue. Rey had to return to the Resistance. It didn't feel like a burden; it only motivated her even more. If Ead saw his mama fighting against his papa, he'd be conflicted. Whatever Kylo was going to do to young Ead, it was going to go to waste; Rey sensed it.


	5. Confrontation

The next ten years of Ead's life became a slow descent to hell.

He couldn't remember anything that happened in his childhood. He had no memory of Ahch-To. He had no memory of his mother, grandmother, uncles, and aunt. He was told that he had spent all his life with his father, and the reason why he couldn't remember his childhood was because of an accident when he hit his head during a training exercise.

His name was Ead Ren: son of Kylo Ren. He was the young Master of the Knights of Ren and the heir apparent to the First Order. He was 17 years old. He was Force-sensitive. He mastered all the weapons the First Order had to offer. He mastered fighting with his bare hands and feet. He was not allowed to even think about his mother. She existed, but she didn't. She was nothing.

Much like his father, Ead wore all black, which made his bronze-brown hair stick out even more. His hair was kept long like his father's, and it even had the same waves as his father. As Ead grew older, he paid more keenly to the other differing details between him and his father.

Most obvious were their hair colors and their noses. His father had a hooked nose, whereas Ead didn't have that signature bump on the bridge of his nose. A third difference were their eyelids (and by correlation, their brow bones). His father had hooded, downturned eyes and a more prominent, low brow bone while Ead had a more recessive, higher brown bone with rounder eyes. When Ead entered his cynical teenage years, he believed that his father frowned so much that it became a permanent feature on the upper half of his face.

These differences were his only connection to the mother he was forbidden to know. From the moment his father told Ead he was not allowed to know who his mother was, Ead believed the traits he inherited from her were as close as he could get to ever meeting her.

Ead knew about the blood on his father’s hands. A man who murdered his own father, who slaughtered and warranted the slaughter of hundreds — even thousands — of innocent people. When he asked his father about those he had killed, his father merely responded, "There are things that you have to do, and they aren't always kind. People must obey, be it in fear or out of love, but there will be no disobedience."

It wasn't really comforting at all, but that was Ead’s life — his past, his present, his future. He started to question if the bloodbath he was born into could ever wash out of his white skin. He wondered if the blood would ever wash out of his own hands. 

But his father was the mighty Supreme Leader Kylo Ren, the Jedi Killer. And  _ he  _ was Ead Ren, who would follow in those footsteps. Although it was daunting and terrifying, it was actually rather exciting. 

Now his reverence for his father dried up when that damned Armitage Hux — who was here to report something to his father in person about the war — suddenly walked alongside him in the corridors of the makeshift capital on a Mega-Destroyer. Ead was 16 at the time.

"One wonders how a man like Kylo Ren could produce such a fine breed," Hux had commented with cold pointedness. He looked straight ahead, never once looking up (as Ead towered over everyone, save for his own father) to meet Ead's hostile, confused gaze. "How he could manage to attract a woman sightly enough remains a mystery to me. Oh, wait, he  _ didn't _ . He forced himself upon her like the heartless — "

Ead recalled Hux beside him one moment and against the wall the next. Ead had slammed Hux into the wall with the Force, according to a stormtrooper's report. Hux — mostly unscathed — testified that it was completely unwarranted and that Ead was truly his father's son.

Once every witness left the throne room, it was startlingly silent. There was a faint howl as air circulated through the vast chamber. The Supreme Leader sat atop his throne, looking down on his son who stood before him. Ead refused to even look at his father.

"What's wrong, Ead?" his father asked. It felt like an interrogation rather than a concerned father trying to reach out to his son.

"Is it true?" Ead demanded after a long silence.

"I don't know what you mean." His father raised an eyebrow.

"Did you — " Ead found himself choking. It was such a dastardly deed, and he couldn't believe his father would do such a thing — his father who raised him and showed him the galaxy. Sure, he  _ killed  _ people, but at least they were released by death. Why didn’t his wretched mother receive that? 

"What did I do?"

His father was trying to see into Ead's mind, but Ead — as if told by the ghost of the past he had forgotten — knew that he was more skilled in the Force than his father. Ead had mastered being unreadable, especially with his father's constant mind-prying. But the way his father spoke made it sound like he already knew what Ead was asking him. While Ead mastered keeping his secrets, his father mastered suppressing surprise.

Ead closed his eyes, took in a sharp breath, and asked quickly,

"Did you rape my mother?"

He opened his eyes and found that he had won the battle of mastery. His father just stared at him, clearly taken aback in his restrained self: his lips had parted open, his brows furrowed down, his eyes widened.

"Who told you that?" His father managed to thaw.

"Hux did."

His father quickly glanced to the side, breaking Ead's hard gaze. That motion gave Ead a clear view as his father clenched his jaw. On the inside, Ead felt the respect he had for his father that had accumulated over the years quickly drain.

"You should never listen to that man," his father said instead. "He seeks to destroy me  _ and  _ you. He is so lowly that he has no charge, nor can any woman bear him — "

"Did you?" Ead repeated himself, his voice stronger.

His father still didn't meet his gaze.

"Did you!?" Ead shouted, feeling his blood boil in rage, in disappointment, in fear, in horror.

"Yes!" His father shouted back just as loudly and abruptly.

Their voices echoed in throughout the throne room, colliding and melding until it sounded like one outcry of anguished rage.

"I did," his father confirmed, much softer this time. His head hung low, his black locks falling over his temples. The echoing of the sound his father's tongue made when it hit the roof of his mouth when he softly said the "D"'s in "did" filled the long, silent pause.

Ead clenched his fists. His father looked up to meet his glare. Many a time, it was his father who did the glaring over some minor mistake while Ead looked up at his father with his head hung and his eyes large and begging for mercy. Now the roles were reversed.

"How could you...?" Ead breathed, his voice cracking.

His father broke his gaze again.

_ "How could you!?" _ Ead shouted this time, pushing the limits of his vocal cords. He found himself unable to restrain how he felt like his father could. "All my life, I looked up to you! You were  _ my father,  _ Supreme Leader of the galaxy! You raised me alone! I thought I was stepping into greatness and following your glory, and that everything you taught me was out of the kindness of your own heart — which is saying a lot since you're literally the Jedi Killer and basically usurped your position! Everything I knew about you and myself is  _ fucking gone _ ! I may be your son, but I was the result of a heinous crime! I was really raised out of pity, and I'm just a reminder of your — "

_ "That's enough!"  _ Kylo Ren slammed his hands down on the arms of the throne he sat upon and stood upright. Ead stopped mid-sentence, but he realized he had an advantage that he had never gained before. He continued after a purse of his lips.

"Is that why you don't want me to see her? Because you'll just be reminded of what kind of monster you really are? Because you robbed her of me, took me away, and made me think her as nothing, just like you did when you — "

Ead suddenly found himself unable to carry on. He didn't want to stop, but his father held out a single hand, and Ead was all too familiar with what that meant. Had it been under any other circumstance (and with any other person), Ead would have retaliated. But his father had never laid a finger on him before — okay, bad figure of speech since that was the whole point of using the Force —; Ead was more surprised that his father was Force-choking  _ him.  _

His father flung Ead back several yards, and Ead skidded on his back some more. When Ead managed to regain a sense of balance, he saw his father standing still. His father's eyes were wide as if he were horrified with himself.

_ 'As he should be,'  _ Ead thought bitterly. 

Suddenly, Ead had an idea. He focused his mind on one thing — one phrase, to be exact. His eyes bore into his father's. The single phrase never made it beyond Ead's mind, but that was all he needed.

_ "You're a fucking monster,"  _ Ead projected to his father, the thought echoing in the Force space between them more than if Ead had shouted it at the top of his lungs. 

With that, Ead turned on his heel and marched to his room. He received several frightened glances from older leaders who knew the wrath of his father well as he stormed down the halls. He walked into the elevators with clenched fists, and they didn't unclench until he was safe inside his locked room. Ead sat down on his bed and buried his face in his hands.

He was some pitiful child born out of a moral crime. He was just a pawn in his father's big game of galactic chess. Ead thought about his mother that he didn't know. He wanted to know her now. He wanted to embrace her and apologize and beg for forgiveness for ever even existing. Bringing him into this world probably caused her a new world of pain, coupled with the emotional and physical trauma.

_ 'She probably hates you,' _ something sinister sneered in the back of Ead's mind.

_ 'She loved you. You were the one good thing to come out of this darkness,'  _ something more uplifting sounded gently. How could he be certain which voice in his head was right?

These clashing thoughts in his head began their mental war when Ead first heard those rumors that his father was a murderer. Now, they were louder than ever before. 

_ 'You're a monster's creation. You're no better than he is.' _

_ 'He clearly feels remorse. Imagine how he'd feel if something were to happen to you.' _

_ 'Your father uses you. If she's not dead, then your mother hates you. What kind of child are you?' _

_ 'They both love you.' _

But the one thing they agreed on was that Ead had to get out of here. People in the walls of this ship knew what his father had done and silently condoned it. Even if people didn't know about Ead's conception, then they still knew how his father was a coldblooded killer. Ead couldn't stay. He was created from violence, born into a bloodbath, and raised to kill. If his father was a monster, then what would become of Ead?

He leaned back, collapsing against his bed. He figured all of this emotional toil would have a severe cost on his sleep cycle, but evidently not. 

In his dreams, he heard a soft lullaby from a woman's voice. He couldn’t make out any words, but it made him forget his  strife with his father. 

When Ead woke up the next morning (was there ever truly a morning if they lived on a giant ship constantly drifting through space with no axis of rotation?), he realized that the woman’s voice in his dreams was unfamiliar. No woman on board his father’s Mega-Destroyer had that voice. And the lullaby she hummed was unlike any song Ead had ever heard.

Ead recalled reading from a book on human psychology that whatever appears in dreams were not spontaneously created, that dreams were formed from what one had already seen. Which meant that he had heard the voice and her lullaby from his dreams before, in real life.

But when? And how?


	6. Gifts

Ead spent the next year of his life living in torment. He was disgusted by his father, but it was his  _ father.  _ Ead also sensed a deep conflict within his father. The few times Ead accidentally made eye contact with his father, his gaze would soften, begging for forgiveness — begging for Ead to come back. Ead brushed it off. How could he ever forgive him for hurting his mother? 

On Ead's 17th birthday (Ead was honestly shocked that he cared enough, but then again, his father did do something every year for Ead's birthday), his father presented him with a gift.

"You're much more advanced than others your age. You're a man now, and I think it's time you have your own weapon," his father said, pushing a small box in front of Ead as they ate breakfast. 

For the first time in months, Ead looked up to meet his father's eyes — on purpose and filled with positive excitement. His father smiled and said gently, "Go ahead. Open it."

 Ead looked down at the sleek black box and then back up to his father. His father gave a waving gesture, bending his fingers at the knuckles, beckoning Ead to go ahead and open the box. Ead pulled the box closer and lifted the flat top. Resting atop a cushion of shredded black paper was a single translucent crystal, and Ead could feel the Force resonating through it. Ead felt his face drop in elated surprise. With his jaw partly dropped, eyebrows lifted, and eyes wide, he looked up to his father. His father simply smiled and nodded, urging Ead to go on.

He cautiously picked it up, the crystal feeling cool in his hands but it felt as though it vibrated; Ead couldn’t tell if it was because of his own excitement or the Force. 

“Thank you, Father!” Ead beamed. 

“Come now, let’s go craft it,” his father encouraged. It reminded Ead of that very first day he awoke after his accident: his father’s voice so gentle and soft it felt as though it would break at any moment. A vulnerable side of his father. 

The father and son walked beside each other through the massive ship until they entered a secret, circular room budding from his father’s quarters. Inside, the walls were made of frosted glass with dim light behind them. In the center was a large table with all sorts of bits of metal and wood and anything that could become a weapon as well as all sorts of electronic parts. His father told him that Ead had to use the Force in order to  _ force  _ the crystal to work (Ead thought this rather funny). 

“You are Dark, but these crystals are tuned to the Light. You have to make it bleed in order to make it bend to your will. As you do with subjects,” his father instructed.

“And if it resists?” Ead asked.

“Just like a subject, it will die. Now, concentrate. You have to focus your hatred, your anger, your fear, your pain into it. The crystal will show you promises of the Light, but they are lies. Do not fall for it.”

Ead closed his eyes, holding his dominant right hand out. The crystal stood, suspended in the air in the dead center of the room. He could feel his eyebrows furrowing down in concentration. Up his arm, he felt a strong push by some invisible field of energy, and the more he pressed forward, the more it pushed against him. He had to plant his feet, bending his knees slightly. 

Ead thought about what his father did to his forsaken mother. A searing hatred burned through his veins, revitalizing his rage. He hated his father. How could he have done that to his mother? Why was Ead even here in the first place? He never should’ve been born. 

Gradually, a high pitched wailing swelled from the crystal, filling Ead’s ears. As much as he wanted to stop and cover them, he had to keep going. Ead could feel the push weaken. His outstretched hand had been relaxed at first, but his focus turned his fingers rigid and straight and spread. Now, with this surge of frustration, his fingers curled up like a five-toed talon of a bird of prey. The kyber crystal wailed even more. 

Ead didn’t realize, but in his seething rage, his taloned hand turned palm up and his arm bent, bringing his arm closer to his body. Suddenly, the wailing stopped, and Ead opened his eyes just in time to catch the brilliant sight of the crystal surrounded in energy. A protostar in its nebula, and Ead incited the blowing away of its envelope. In a massive expanding ring of white-blue energy, the kyber crystal expelled its Light, leaving behind nothing but a hauntingly glowing red. In the bright explosion, Ead fell back, and his vision became engulfed in white as his back hit the floor.

_ “Eadie…”  _ a woman’s voice, warm and low, comforted.

Ead couldn’t resist it. That very warmth of the voice filled his heart, and hope sparked. He called out, “Mama?”

_ “Eadie, your father...you know what he’s done to me. You can turn away from all of this. You will become like him if you do. Is that what you want?” _

Ead didn’t want to be a monster, that much was true, but he couldn’t deny that he wanted his father to pay. He told the voice in the pure whiteness that.

_ “Do you not think he’s suffered enough? Your father has conflict constantly stirring within him.  _ Light  _ stirs within him, just as it does in you.” _

“It doesn’t take back what he did!” Ead snapped. “Where was the Light in him when he assaulted you?! Mama, how can you not be angry?! How can you not hate him?! I’m his own son, and I hate him! He can’t get away with it! Not ever! I  _ hate  _ him!”

Suddenly, Ead bolted upright, breathing heavily. His father had been kneeling beside him, and as Ead sat up, he placed his hand on the boy’s shoulder. Ead looked around the room, and then to his father, who was smiling to him.

“You did it,” his father praised gently.

Ead turned his head to the center of the room; the crystal remained suspended  in the air, silent and still. Just like someone who resisted him, his father, their Order. So much resistance until they are bleeding and submissive — or dead. Ead knew it all too well. 

When Ead raised his arm, the kyber crystal floated right into his palm, now a dim crimson. He could feel the Force inside the crystal — Dark and powerful. Ead’s father put a hand on his shoulder, smiling with pride. 

“What’s wrong?” His father asked as Ead just stared at the red crystal in his hand. 

“It’s not enough…” Ead muttered; something deep in his chest gnawed at him. A faint whisper in the back of his mind told him he needed two. Two to combine into one.

His father smiled at him and walked to one of the lit panels that made up the walls. He pushed aside the panels like a sliding door, revealing a layer of glass in front of rows of shelves. Each row was full of old saber hilts that had taken visible damage and each one had a little paper folded in half to form a small tent with a name — handwritten, Ead noticed. — on each little tent.

“The Sith before us, before the First Order, would take the crystal from a Jedi lightsaber and bleed it, just as you did. But you want another. Which one do you want?”

As Ead looked among the glass, he could see more rows of saber hilts beyond just the panel his father unfolded. Each crystal tingled, teeming with the Force. Quivering in fear. But one of them, Ead sensed the most Force from. He held his hand out, picking up the ancient Jedi lightsaber. He activated it, a streak of pale blue slicing through the air and humming a low drone. He used the Force to make the saber levitate and with a closing of his fist, the saber broke into two, revealing a kyber crystal no bigger than two segments of his pinky finger. Ead bled the crystal again (he heard his mother again, but Ead immediately declared, “You can’t change my mind! I’ll avenge you, Mama!”), channeling all his hatred and anger and shame towards his father, and the crystal kept wailing until the last of its blue Light faded in its explosion. This crystal still wavered between red and blue before finally succumbing to Ead’s Dark will. 

Ead’s father proceeded to show Ead the technical side of the lightsaber (which he always found interesting) and how Ead had to use the Force to piece his lightsaber together. 

“You will feel it. You will know, deep down,” his father told him. “You don’t need to think. Just feel.”

Ead sat down on the cold, hard floor, crossing his legs, resting his wrists on his knees, and letting his hands hang relaxedly. He closed his eyes and searched deep into his own mind. What did he  _ feel _ he wanted? Why did he want two crystals? 

Ead felt his arms raise, his fingers spreading as he let his own instincts guide him to piece the weapon of his dreams together. Something deep in his lost memories yearned for something like this. His skills were versatile, and so his saber should reflect that. Something that could adapt to the situation just as he could. 

When Ead opened his eyes, he saw the completed lightsaber floating in the air. Ead was hesitant at first, nervous to finally possess his own lightsaber. For that moment, all animosity Ead had for his father melted away. A saberstaff; the long hilt could be split into two. A double-ended lightsaber that could become twin sabers. Ead cautiously grabbed the hilt. Two activators in the middle of the saber, one to to activate both blades and the other to release the powerful magnet holding the hilt together. The center of the individual hilts had their own activators for when they were separated. Ead took a deep breath and pressed the very middle. 

Suddenly, two plasma blades jutted out from the sides, accompanied by crackling and hum. Ead just gawked in awe with wide eyes. Red energy leapt from the blade constantly. It looked like his father’s sword except instead of a crossguard, it had a second end to it. It was  _ perfect,  _ just as he wanted! Ead practiced swinging the double-ended saber a few times in front of him and behind his back, switching hands.

"How 'bout a little duel?" His father suggested, also rising and taking out his infamous crossguard lightsaber. 

Ead used to love dueling with his father. When Ead — after his recovery — first dueled with his father with wooden swords, his father always let him win. Ead eventually managed to equal his father's strength and winning was divided equally between them. But it was always with those wooden training weapons. Now, it was with  _ real  _ lightsabers — their  _ own.  _

His father stood some meters apart from Ead, and they stood in readied stances. Ead surged forward first, bringing the right end of his staff forward, his father blocking it as he leaned backward. The lightsabers crackled with energy as they met, bathing both of their faces in bright red. They were smiling, and his father pushed forward, forcing Ead to back away. The two of them chuckled. His father held his saber up and to his side, ready for another round. Ead readied his saber staff, his heart racing and roaring in his ears (although that could be just the lightsaber). 

As Ead took a moment to mentally prepare himself for the next round, what Ead said to the Light visions came back to him. With both hands on the hilt of his lightsaber, he gripped it tighter, slightly twisting his hands. His knuckles turned pure white. His father took a running start, saber raised, and Ead deflected it, only to step forward and strike his father twice with either side of his saberstaff — right side up high, left side down low. His father was quick enough to block both. Ead knew he could never truly beat or hurt his father, but he needed something to release his anger. His father probably picked up on Ead's change in mood and upped his defenses against Ead's aggressive attacks. 

After a while, Ead managed to knock his father's lightsaber out of his hand. Ead switched his own off. Ead looked directly into his father's eyes, but he saw an unreadable emotion. 

"Thanks for the gifts, but it doesn't mean I forgive you," Ead said bitterly before walking out.

Ead inspected the saber hilt once more. Getting to create his own lightsaber was pretty cool, he had to admit. 

\-----

A few nights later, Ead snuck into his father's chambers. The first few nights after his recovery from his accident, young Ead would sneak here to sleep with his father. He was young and clingy, and he recalled his father's warmth. He recalled burying his face into his father's chest. 

And now, standing over him, it was hard to imagine that loving scene. 

He was desperately curious. He wanted to know his father, but his father was always closed off. Armitage Hux always told Ead with a snarky tone about his father's childish tantrums when things didn't go his way. 

"Perhaps having you really did change him for the better," Hux sneered pointedly once. Ead didn’t understand it then. "It's good to see the poles of his moral compass have aligned at last. He has the maturity to set an example for his son."

He wanted to know who his father truly was. He wanted to know who his father was repressing. He wanted to see the monster within.

He held his hand out a foot away from his father's face, looking into his father's mind in its unadulterated, unfiltered state. 

Ead was surprised to feel himself hit with a wall of conflict. His father, even now, battled the light and dark that stirred within. Ead discovered his father's feelings about  _ him,  _ his son. His father loved him but hated him, but that hatred and love was not unique to the dark and light side respectively. 

The Dark side of his father loved Ead for serving as a reminder of his dominance over his mother. Wanted Ead to inherit the title of Supreme Leader and carry the Vader bloodline. The Dark side of his father hated Ead for more reasons: hated him for being subject of love and light. Hated him for being better than him in the Force and in physical strength. Almost killed Ead several times to ensure his own power in the galaxy. 

At the same time, the Light side of his father hated Ead for being a reminder of his crime. Loved Ead for teaching him to love and care and being a true father. Wanted to see Ead grow up and become strong. Was proud of Ead for becoming so powerful. Didn't want Ead to be tainted with blood. Wanted to nurture Ead into a noble man he couldn't be. Wanted him to not necessarily turn into the Light, but not be engulfed in Darkness. 

There was also a deep guilt. The loss of his mother — Ead's grandmother. The news that raged through the galaxy that she had fallen, hit her head and never woke up. But his father knew it was his fault. The one person in his broken family that he didn't want dead, and it was his fault.

Ead didn't know how to feel about those mixed emotions, so he pried deeper. He felt the conflict his father felt when he killed  _ his  _ father — Ead's grandfather. For the first time, Ead heard the name of his slain grandfather: Han Solo. He wanted to know more, but he didn't know the limits of his own power — the limits of the Force. He suddenly found himself thrown in the past. He was on the famed Starkiller Base, and he saw his grandfather in front of him — alive. He was watching through his father's eyes. 

_ "It's too late,"  _ his father's voice came from his own lips.

_ "No, it's not. Leave here with me. Come home. We miss you."  _ Ead’s grandfather's voice was gruff yet comforting and warming. After a pause, his father spoke.

_ "I feel like I'm being torn apart. I want to be free of this pain. And I know what I have to do, but I don't know if I have the strength to do it."  _ His father's voice sounded so vulnerable. It cracked with emotion. Each sentence was spaced apart with pauses, as if he needed a moment to pull himself together to continue speaking.  _ "Will you help me?" _

_ "Yes. Anything."  _ His grandfather didn't hesitant. 

His father looked away from his grandfather's deep gaze to the floor — a single walking plank of metal over a great chasm. With a loud and echoing  _ clunk,  _ his father dropped his helmet. Ead recalled stories of the mask that could lower vocal pitch and how his father destroyed it in one of his temper tantrums when the old Supreme Leader Snoke called him a  _ "child in a mask."  _

Meeting his grandfather’s gaze briefly, his father took out his lightsaber and held it out with both hands. Han Solo took it with one. Suddenly, it went dark, and the only thing that permitted any sight was some distant red light. At the same time, Han Solo tried to take the crossguard lightsaber, but the open hands his father held out were now gripping the hilt tightly. After a momentary struggle, a bright red light seared straight through his grandfather, and Ead — through his father's eyes — saw Han's widen. Ead could hear a cry of some creature and a woman screaming,  _ "No!"  _ all in the distance, but his father drove the lightsaber deeper into his grandfather. Ead wanted to pry his eyes off the horrified face of his grandfather, but his father kept staring.

_ "Thank you,"  _ his father said, and deactivated his lightsaber.

A warmth pressed along the right side of his face — his grandfather's hand. A father's hand against his son, cherishing the last moments of his life and forgetting their broken family. The hand felt rough against his cheek, calloused by years of dirty work. With that, Han Solo began to fall away. His father was pushing him off the side, letting the body disappear into the dimly glowing chasm. That animal cry from before sounded again, and a bright beam of red hit his left side, and Ead found himself in a new memory. 

He was staring at a cruiser in a small jet, his thumb poised over the control that would deliver a shot that would decimate the cruiser's bridge right in front of him. But he — his father — was hesitating. He sensed his mother — Ead's grandmother — , and she sensed him. He killed his own father, but he couldn't kill his mother. Other jets fired instead, and he drove away. 

Suddenly, Ead — back in his own body —found himself looking up at his father. They were in some sort of hut. He was younger, and his father was actually  _ playing  _ with him. Ead was playing with a large stick, wielding it like a staff, and his father — although in a playful tone — was surprised at his agility. A childish voice came from Ead, asking why his father hardly visited. His father gave the only answer fitting for a child: a big game of hide and seek. Ead declared he no longer wanted to play and that he wanted his papa to come find him. 

And then he heard that woman's voice. Shouting from outside the hut, but it wasn't aggressive. 

_ "Ead!? Are you awake!? I hear voices! Are you talking to someone in there!?" _

Ead turned his head to the door of the hut, and he sensed somebody —  _ his mother  _ — approaching. But the memory shifted right before she could enter through the door frame. 

He was shouting at the top of his lungs, hugging his father's legs. His father had his hand held up, Force-choking two people. 

_ "Papa, stop! Stop hurting Uncle Finn and Auntie Rose!" _

_ "Ead!" _

_ "Ben!" _

Ead couldn't see well, but he saw two women at the door. He tried to run to them, shouting,  _ "Mama!"  _ but his father grabbed his shirt. 

_ "Papa, let me go!"  _ Ead tried to swat away his father's strong grip.  _ "Papa, let me go! It's Mama and Grandma!" _

There was shouting. His father's voice, his mother's voice. His grandmother's softer voice, only to be interrupted by more of his father's caustic yelling. Another tug on his shirt. The two women flying back. Ead heard himself calling for them. He saw his mother try to get up, but his grandmother wasn't moving. The moment that would haunt his father forever. 

_ "Ead!" _

_ "Mama, help Grandma!"  _ Ead shouted. 

He saw their forms get further away. He was walking into a dark ship. He looked up to his father, who kept pulling him away from his family. As the ground began to fall away, a piercing, anguished cry snapped Ead back to the present:

_ "No!" _

His mother's voice. It echoed in his mind. Everything. The 17 year-old Ead found himself breathing heavily. His hands were shaking. 

It was a lie. There was no accident. 7 years of lost memories came back to him, and they were filled with love from his mama, grandma, an Uncle Finn, an Auntie Rose, and an Uncle Poe and his droid BB-8. His father lied to him this whole time. Tried to wipe his memories with the Force, but the Force remembered and restored them. 

"Ead?" His father's voice forced him to look up. Well, shit, guess he woke up. "Ead, what's wrong?"

"You lied..." Ead breathed. "You took me from them..."

His father sat up and tried to take a step towards him, but Ead put his hand up, threatening on an empty mind.

"You lied to me about  _ everything!"  _ Ead shouted, his voice on the verge of breaking. "I was  _ happy!" _

"You never would have unlocked your full potential! All the power you have now is because of  _ me!" _

"Am I supposed to be  _ thankful?  _ You killed Grandma — your own mother! You killed  _ both  _ your parents! Just when I thought you couldn't get any worse! Who's to say you won't hurt me next? You've already put me in a chokehold!"

"That's enough, Ead! Enough of this childish sympathy!"

"What's wrong with sympathy?! I'm surprised you know the word given how heartless you are!"

"Am I heartless to have raised you on my own, nurtured you into something greater than I am?"

"I've seen your mind; you're torn even about that! Me, your son!" Ead snapped. "You fail at everything you try to be good at!"

That made his father shut up, but Ead stormed out of his father's chambers and into his own. He must have inherited internal conflict from his father since his own mind was swirling, his own heart aching. He glanced around him, this grand ship meant to be the capital of the First Order. He once marveled at it for its grandeur, its capacity to hold so much activity and life, but now it felt like a massive prison. He had to get out. 

Ead, scrambling for the box in his dresser for the box containing his lightsaber, found something else. A medallion of gold, engraved like a snowgrape leaf. Another memory clicked.

_ "Eadie, this is something very special to me. My sister — your auntie Paige — and I have the same one. She fought very hard against the First Order and gave everything to the Resistance. This is from our homeworld, Hays Minor. I wore this because it meant that we were never apart."  _ A woman's voice. A new one. Deep in the back of his mind. 

_ "So why are you giving me this, Auntie Rose?"  _ A young Ead. He knew he had said those words, but he couldn't remember how his voice sounded exactly.

_ "Because I want  _ you  _ to remember that you are never truly apart from your family. And you must always remember your Auntie Paige and what she — what we  _ all  _ are — fighting for. Well, against, really." _

Pinching the medallion between different combinations of finger pairs, Ead felt the cold metal turn warm by his own body heat. Hays Minor...a planet in a system that his father's First Order had turned to ruin. Known for Haysian smelt, an incredible conductor. Those textbook facts turned into something more meaningful. And if that distant Auntie Rose promised him that this medallion meant that he was never apart from his family, then he was one step closer to reuniting with them. He tied the black cords around the back of his neck. He gave a flip of his hair with both hands to force the cord underneath his hair. He tucked the medallion under his layers of clothes. He found his lightsaber and gripped the long hilt tightly in his right hand.

Ead made his way to the docking bay. He found his secret ship, stashed away in some forgotten corner of this planet of a flagship. Ead, in the years he had been here, picked up engineering from the technicians in his free time. Although it seemed as though his days were too occupied with training under his father, his life was not so. He had crafted from scrap parts his own spacecraft (which was — as he tested without detection from nearby radar using the Force — fully functional). It was free of any tracking from this mothership (and from his father). With only the black clothes on his back (and medallion 'round his neck), his versatile lightsaber, and ten out of seventeen years worth of knowledge, Ead set out. 

He got as far as seeing the entire Mega-Destroyer in its entirety when he sensed...something. A presence. Watching. Watching  _ him.  _

Ead looked back. He could see movement, but he could no longer see an individual's motions. Yet he knew his father was watching, and he was staring back. Ead flipped a switch, which activated hyperspace jumping. He felt his father watching him until Ead was out of sight, but Ead didn't care. He had to get away. For how long, he didn't know. 

And like Auntie Rose said, never apart from his family. Even the part he wanted to get away from.  


	7. Eavesdrop

Ead thought he was dreaming at first. Or he had somehow been ejected from his spacecraft and was drifting through the vacuum of space. Or maybe he was experiencing hallucinations due to jumping hyperspace so many times. Or maybe he was dead and had entered the afterlife. One moment, he was sitting in the cockpit of his ship (he decided to name her the  _ Solitude,  _ for obvious reasons), and then he was in a world of pitch black. 

He stood, the pilot seat dissipating into nothingness. He put his foot in front of him in what would have been a step if he was on solid ground. 

He didn't know how long he had been bouncing around the galaxy. He had made countless pit stops for food and water and fuel. Nobody seemed to recognize him, but those who did mistook him for his father and gawked in horror. When he got bored, he would flip through the radio, trying to catch any passing waves. He could the occasional First Order communications (probably urgent demands to locate him and bring him back to his father's dreadnought, some coded Resistance talk (normally, he would be compelled to write it down, but with the current situation between Ead and his father, he couldn't care less about the rebels), and even more insignificant chatter (which definitely included some galactic black market dealing). Despite the dreariness, it felt like actual communication with other sentient life forms. Besides, Ead had wired this ship to receive, not transmit. 

Now, he was stuck in darkness. 

"Hello?" he called out into the void. 

He suddenly caught the faintest trace of sound. He kept stepping forward into nothingness, trying to find the direction it came from. 

_ "Where is he?!"  _ A harsh male voice.

_ "I should be the one to ask you! You took him from me, and now you've lost him!"  _ A woman's voice. Broken, angry, yet oddly familiar.

_ "And now you took him from me!" _

_ "I did no such thing!  _ You  _ must have done something to drive him away." _

A silence fell between the voices. There were still faint, as if in the distance of this black void. 

_ "What? I sensed something different about you just now,"  _ the woman noted.  _ "What's wrong? This is Ben now, I can sense it." _

_ "It is not!"  _ The man, angry again. 

Ead recognized the voices now: his father, and the mystery woman from his memories and dreams he finally realized was his mother. But the name  _ "Ben"  _ was still unfamiliar. He recalled it once in his memory. His grandmother called out that name when he was being taken away, but his grandmother knew very well his name was Ead, so who was “ _ Ben?” _

_ "Kylo Ren would have no problem admitting to what he did. He feels nothing when he commits his crimes." _

_ "You do not know me! I am and always will be Kylo Ren!" _

_ "I know Ben Solo. And he regrets his crime but loves his son." _

_ "What mind games on him did you play to twist the truth?!" _

_ "I haven't had contact with my own son for the past ten years! You robbed him from me!" _

He wanted to run to his mother, to apologize to her, to pay back a debt that he knew could never be repaid in full. He wanted to return to her and be loved unconditionally by her again. His innocent childhood was tainted with the reality of his conception.

_ "Where is he?!"  _ His father's voice shouted.

_ "I don't know!"  _ His mother yelled back. 

For a moment, Ead didn't think about the massive rift between his mother and his father. He saw them as parents who cared for their son, desperate to hear from him. 

_ "He disappeared three months ago! The First Order is sifting through the entire galaxy! We cannot find him, and it's because of your Resistance! You're hiding him!" _

_ "I didn't even know he disappeared until I ran into your First Order! Three months!? He could be dead for all we know!" _

_ "Have you not thought that  _ I  _ have already considered that!?" _

_ 'But I'm alive! I'm alive and well! Father, Mama, I'm right here!'  _ Ead wanted to cry out, but his mouth made no sound when he opened it.

Ead felt the muscles in his right arm raise, as if he were reaching out to them, but he could not see a thing — not even the back of his own hand. He was invisible. Suddenly, he began to make out the outline of his arm. He could see his fingers. Things around him brightened.

He was back in the  _ Solitude,  _ stretching his hand against the window. He let his arm fall to his side and practically threw himself against the back of his seat. He tilted his head back and closed his eyes. 

\-----

His father must have surely increased measures to find Ead. Every pit stop Ead made, he had to wipe clean the memories of those he encountered using the Force. When too many people saw, Ead would panic and send a massive wave that knocked them all out. It wasn't his intention to make them fall unconscious; it was a reflex. He cursed himself, since those people would remember Ead had been there, narrowing the First Order's search. Ead had half a mind to disguise himself — maybe wear different colors, style his hair differently —, but he reminded himself that he wasn't running away entirely; he just needed a safe place to think freely.

In the few places on select planets that  _ didn't  _ immediately recognize him as Ead Ren, son of Kylo Ren, he was able to get information of isolated planets in the Outer Rim and Unknown Regions. although he was hesitant on traveling that far; he only wanted solitude, not escape. But how else could he get that comfortable distance?

Ead tied his wavy hair back into a short ponytail at the nape of his neck, bound with a worn rag he found in a compartment. People hardly recognized him with his hair pulled back, and his hair often bothered him when he was focusing. Ead eventually began to express his thoughts in his ship, under the light of twinkling stars. 

He was angry, most of all. Angry that he had ever been born, angry that his father forced him into existence, angry that his mother had to suffer, angry that his father took him away, angry that his father hid the truth, angry for being his father's son. All of this anger, and it manifested itself into a few broken control panels. Ead consequently had to make an emergency pit stop on some tropical-climate planet. He knew he couldn't spend too much time there since he could hear some of the inhabitants whisper among themselves and stare as he wandered through a local street market. Ead would let down his hair and let it shield his face, but he couldn't tell whether that made his resemblance to his father more prominent or less. 

He probably spent a month on that planet. He temporarily changed his outfit a little, adding more earthen tones to his black garb so he could blend in. His hair was constantly pulled back in a ponytail or a half of one with the lower half of his hair let down. It was hot, and the sweat made his hair cling to his forehead, the sides of his cheeks, under his jaw, all along the back of his neck. He had to slash down vines connecting trees with his lightsaber and constantly part the vines attached to his head with his fingers.

When he found the sweat clinging to his skin too unbearable, he bathed and washed his clothes in boiled, murky river water with a bar of soap he managed to pick up in a local market. It wasn’t much; a large, lumpy white chunk that was probably deemed by its vendor too ugly to sell. Ead made the most of it, though. Although he tried to mask his presence among the natives, he did frequent the market for leftovers he could simply pick up for free. At the end of his month-long stay, he had gathered seven bulbous, amorphous chunks of soap; actual food in the form of the jerky of various native animals (some of which he got from the market, the rest he hunted, seasoned, and cooked himself — and yes, the spices were also leftovers from the market); and several canteens of boiled, filtered river water. 

He also managed to snag a thin, yellowed journal of paper. It had most of its pages ripped out and only left 6 blank, but Ead managed. He kept tally of his stock in it. On the day he planned to depart, Ead bought (yes,  _ bought _ ) a worn Coruscant-standard calendar. It was up to date, at the very least. Plus, he managed to get it for cheap since the vendor had already X'd out the days to the present. Ead also managed to snatch a pen from that vendor when he wasn't looking. The clock in Ead's ship still kept time, so Ead could definitely keep track of time while he was journeying through space to the Unknown Regions. 

After a final wash of himself, he tied back his long hair and took off. He definitely surprised some of the natives who were so unaware of his crash site, but what could they do? They didn't know who he was, so they couldn't alert the First Order. Ead had to scoff a little at that. He found another place to fuel up for another jump to hyperspace. Ead knew he wasn't a hundred percent safe and untraceable in the Unknown Regions, but it was better than having half his heart filled with the anxiety of being caught rather than letting it fill and spill with the emotions he needed to express — and preferably away from his  _ Solitude.  _ Of course, the fuel stop had to be on a First Order outpost, which meant that Ead's presence would be noted.

_ 'Alright, nothing new,'  _ Ead told himself as he had the outpost in his view.  _ 'Land, knock everyone out, fill up, get out. It'll be like you weren't there.' _

Because if one person was able to get back to the First Order, Ead was — in a word — fucked. Ead took a deep breath and prepared for landing. 


	8. So Close, Yet So Far

Although Ead successfully made it to the Unknown Regions, he wasn't exactly out of the First Order's radar. He knew that there were stations and outposts and whatnot out here, but at least he could breathe. He could relax a little — enough to actually think.

He recalled from past book reading about the apathetic ignorance many planets in the Unknown Regions maintain.

_ 'Imagine that...being so cut off from things as far back as the Galactic Republic. Never hearing about the Sith or Jedi. Never knowing about the Force and what it can do,'  _ Ead considered. 

All of a sudden, it hit him.

_ 'Never knowing my great-grandfather. Not knowing who my father is...'  _

He wanted that. For just a moment, to be free of all the First Order, Galactic Empire burden thrust upon his shoulders. A burden he never asked to be born into. A chance to think about his mother, the memories that had been lost for so long and finally came back fragmented. It filled him with warmth and love and joy and comfort, with heartbreak and sadness and guilt. 

The biggest piece of this scattered puzzle was what his mother looked like. All he could surmise was that she had brown hair, more gentle features — things he derived from his own face. He knew her voice, kind of. He wanted to be with her again, just once. He allowed the  _ Solitude  _ to drift through space to allow himself to drift into sleep. 

What he thought was a dream became so much more. 

From the blackness, a bridge or lounge of some ship of some sorts faded into existence around Ead. He sat, looking around at the unfamiliar surroundings. This was not a First Order ship. So where was he?

_ "I got nothing,"  _ A holographic projection of a man asked. He wore some sort of bulky, orange pilot outfit. A Resistance pilot. 

"Nothing?" a woman — who was actually on the ship — echoed. "What about the First Order?"

Both of their voices felt oddly familiar to Ead. He was hesitant to step closer. 

_ "Well, the bounty for him has increased like a supernova. It seems that they're more concerned about lookin’ for him than huntin’ us. The war's on pause again till they got ‘im." _

"You've searched  _ every _ where? Oh,  _ stars,  _ is he still  _ alive?!  _ Who knows what could be out there?!"

_ "You're never this pessimistic. I know you're scared, Rey, but we gotta have hope. Just like Leia always used to say." _

"I need to find my son, Poe. This is my chance to reunite with him before Kylo takes him back. This is my chance to convince Ead to come home and turn away from the Dark side. To bring him home to his Uncle Poe and Uncle Finn and Aunt Rose."

Ead felt a jolt through his torso, as if he had been shocked by a jutting live wire. His mother, right here. Uncle Poe and the memories of the ball droid BB-8. Both of them, right here but not really. So close, yet so far away. 

_ "Rey, just  _ please _ be careful out there. Just because the First Order’s shifted its priorities to Ead doesn't mean they won't hesitate to capture or kill you if you run into them. Finn's worrying about you, and you know what that means." _

"Rose will keep him in place. I know it. And you, too! You always dive headfirst into danger. Maybe  _ I  _ should be the one cautioning  _ you. _ "

_ "We all love the kid. I'd comb over this galaxy for the rest of my life if I have to, but like you said, you're his mom. He needs a home to come back to. Captain Poe, out. _

The hologram switched off. The woman Rey suddenly turned her head to the side and exclaimed caustically, turning as she spoke, "If I told you once, I've told you a million times! I don't know where Ead i — "

By the time she faced Ead, she paused mid-sentence. Her lips parted open, her eyebrows lifted, and her eyes widened. She took a few slow steps forward, and Ead did the same. He was taking in the fact that there was his mother — and he imagined she was doing the same to him: her son, in front of her. She only stood to the height of his shoulders. She had brown hair like Ead. Her hair was fairly straight and fell around her shoulders. The upper half of her hair was parted in the middle and met at the back of her head in a braid. Her face had far gentler features than his father's. In a word, she was beautiful. Ead couldn't believe she was his mother at first — and that he had half her genetic makeup. 

At the same time, the two charged at each other with open arms, intent on a deep, long embrace. Instead, Ead phased right through her — or did she phase through him? Either way, they couldn’t physically touch, but when Ead passed through her, he felt a wave of pure love, joy, elation, excitement, relief. It made his heart feel the lightest it had ever been. At the same time, the mother and son duo turned to face each other once more.

“Is it really you, Eadie?” His mother asked, tears beginning to crawl down the sides of her cheeks.

Ead almost responded, _ “In the flesh!” _ when he recalled that that was not so. He was here by the Force. Instead, he nodded out of fear his voice would crack under the emotion. 

His mother walked up to him and placed her hand as close as she could to the side of his face without phasing through him. She smiled warmly as she did so, and Ead “grabbed” his mother’s hand. For a moment, it was just them: a woman and her son, a boy and his mother. 

All of a sudden, Ead’s guilt began to settle in. He tried to squeeze his mother’s hand for comfort, but his fingers just closed down on his own palm. 

“What’s wrong?” she asked him, probably sensing the change in his emotions.

He so wanted to admit everything to her, but he felt guilty about that since she probably endured so much more suffering than he did. He gave a simple smile, pursing his lips together by curling his bottom lip up to meet the top, and shook his head. 

“I’m just glad to see you,” was all he said.

”I am, too,” his mother said in a trance-like state. Suddenly, her voice turned sterner — a motherly stern. “Where have you  _ been _ , young man!? The whole galaxy is looking for you!”

”I had to get away from Father, from everything,” Ead admitted.

”What? What happened?”

”I found out about…the things Father did.”

His mother glanced to the side for a moment before looking up to meet her son’s eyes again.

”Where are you now?”

”I made it to the Unknown Regions.”

”Do you know where?”

”Not really. I just need to get away from everything. I need to think freely and express how I feel. I’m avoiding everything First Order.”

”Come home, Ead. We miss you. Wait for me on Ahch-To.”

”I want to, but not now. Mama, please let me go for a while. I’m okay, and I can survive on my own.”

“The galaxy is big and dangerous,  Ead. And they’re looking for you. And so are we, but they are much bigger than we are. Your father has so much more power, and — ” 

”He takes what he wants,” Ead completed. “I know. But they won’t be able to catch me. I promise when I’m ready, I’ll tell you where I am. I’m sorry for making you wait even longer, Mama.”

”No, don’t be sorry. This is enough for now. But I want to be able to actually  _ hug  _ you soon. Eadie, wherever you go and whatever you do, please be safe. You’re still so far away from me.”

Ead then used his free hand to reveal the snowgrape leaf medallion hidden under his clothes.

”Mama, you’re never away from me. Or Grandma, Uncle Finn, Auntie Rose, Uncle Poe, BB-8.” He offered a smile, and his mother returned it.

”You’ve grown so much. I’m proud of you, Ead. I know all your accomplishments are within the First Order and the Dark side, but I know deep down, your heart is full of light.”

_ ‘A heart full of light in a body of darkness. How would that light ever shine through?’ _ Ead couldn’t help but think. 

_ “Admiral!” _ a distant voice called. The sound of running footsteps gradually grew louder.

“Mama, I have to go,” Ead said suddenly. 

“Remember what I told you,” Rey said as Ead began to turn away. “And one more thing.”

Ead looked back.

”I love you, Eadie.”

”I love you, too, Mama.”

Right when the doors to the ship’s bridge opened, Ead found himself back in the cockpit of the  _ Solitude _ . He glanced around and felt at his surroundings. He felt as though a great weight lifted from his shoulders. His mother, Rey. She still loved him and was proud of him and let him do what he needed to do. He wanted to actually embrace her in his arms. He wanted to go back to his childhood and feel her arms protecting him in a hug. 

But the lurking feeling of guilt crept in the back of his mind. He needed to find a place to actually settle down — out of the eyes of the First Order. 

What he forgot was that his ship was still cruising through space and the Unknown Regions the whole time he was talking to his mother. His ship wandered too close into the atmosphere of a planet with diverse biospheres teeming with life in an unnamed system. Ead felt a violent turbulence stir his ship and caused the lights to flicker but thought nothing of it. He tried to switch in the communicator to pick up news, but all he heard was static. When he tried to switch channels, all that came up was more static. And then he realized he was drifting backwards; his engines somehow lost power. Ead panicked then, trying everything he could to restore power until he felt something crash into him from behind on the port wing of his ship. He looked out the large front window and saw that a small passing asteroid had almost severed a wing. The force of the collision was pushing him back towards that unknown, very green and brown and blue planet. 

Ead used the Force to prevent the wing from completely flying off as he entered the planet’s atmosphere. However, he realized he was actually going to crash into the planet’s solid crust and channeled all of his mental and physical strength into slowing down his descent. In creating  _ Solitude,  _ he did not think to add safety measures beyond invisibility cloaking and a shield. His only hope for a parachute was unbuttoning and taking off his jacket and holding it by its sleeves — but that was risky, given that he could freeze so high up in the atmosphere or burn as he descended.

The whole time, he thought about his mother. She gave him strength. She wanted to see him again. He could not break his promise to her. Ead closed his eyes, knowing the altitude meter was thrown out of whack. That thing was an essential countdown to death, and Ead did not want to be disheartened. 

He made the mistake of peeking when he saw the white of snow and the tops of coniferous trees right underneath him. He squeezed his eyes shut, instinctively pulled up on the directional handles, and embraced for impact. 


	9. Yweh Nan

The planet Yweh Nan was the only planet with sustainable life in its unnamed system. It had one moon and orbited one star. It had a single landmass on one half of the planet, patched with lakes, seas, and rivers; a large ocean with specks of islands lay on the other half. It had a magnetic North and South Pole. It had a warm, tropical equator and frigid poles. It had deserts, rainforests, grasslands, deciduous forest, coniferous forests, cave systems, mountains, rivers — oh, the combinations were limitless! A planet so diverse whereas others were entirely one biome. 

For millennia, Yweh Nan was dominated by the native Xauxi: large, hideous, pinkish-flesh colored-ish, blob-like creatures with incredible longevity. They moved slowly and heavily, but it had no natural predators. It mostly crushed smaller creatures with its weight inadvertently. Most significantly, they communicated with each other through a strange language: low-pitched, rumbling, continuous hums capable of producing tremors. There seemed to be no decipherable word through these hums. The only notable structure that resembled Galactic Basic was that the longer the hum, the longer the sentence. 

However, after the Mandolorian War and the reorganization of the Galactic Republic, a large ship containing 5 human families (in a self-induced exile and protest) crash-landed on the planet. They began to establish themselves, calling this new land Yweh Nan. Seeing the monstrous Xauxi made them fearful and cautious, and as the humans proliferated, the Xauxi were gradually wiped out. The humans attempted to eat the Xauxi, but their gelatinous flesh practically evaporated at the boiling point of water. The humans observed that a random few could understand the strange Xauxi language in varying degrees. What they learned through these few was that the Xauxi called the land Da'an and had never left the planet's surface (much less knew of things going on in the galaxy). 

Humans realized their crime against the docile Xauxi too late. By then, there were only a handful of Xauxi left: those who were very old and hidden from the world, but there was one juvenile, born a few years prior to the arrival of the first humans. From then on, the Xauxi became venerated and worshipped like gods. Around the same time the Galactic Empire took hold, only the juvenile Xauxi remained — the last of his kind. The Yweh Nan humans — all with similar physical traits due to their initial homogeny — crowned the final Xauxi the Emperor of the planet. At first, he was a mere figurehead, but the Emperor revealed his ability to speak Galactic Basic  _ and  _ the Yweh Nan language through a select few of the humans. His authority was buffered by the Imperial Court, an established group of noble families. The head of this Court was the Crown Prince. Other lesser princes and princesses were determined by their closeness to the Emperor. However, as the years came and went, the princes and princesses changed — and with them, their honesty. People grew jealous of each other and plotted against each other, shifting the tides. The Emperor was subjected to a brutal court that opposed him with every decision. He was back to being a figurehead, but he was wiser now. He was able to voice his ideas rather than stand by idly. 

Despite the drastic changes to the planet, Yweh Nan's only continuity was its isolation. During the Galactic Empire, the Crown Prince emphasized Yweh Nan's neutrality and how its distance from the rest of the galaxy would render it useless to the Empire. The planet was then placed on an Imperial list that was essentially a benign blacklist. Few planets could ever make it to such docile terms — especially with the Empire — but Yweh Nan was one of the lucky few. After an inspection, Yweh Nan was declared useless due its lack of technology as a result of its isolation (of course, the islands on the ocean half of the planet were explored and exploited for resources). The Empire gave Yweh Nan two pieces of relatively weak technology: massive satellite dishes with the ability to send out electromagnetic pulses and solar panels to power them (which were placed on the stripped islands). It was a confirmation of the agreement: Yweh Nan would remain neutral as long as it had the means to remain isolated. 

Ead learned all of this upon his collision with the surface of the planet, and he had assumed he had attained this supernatural knowledge postmortem after his crash landing. However, he could move in this vision of forgotten history. Ead was standing in some large, rectangular hall with a high, ornate ceiling. All around him were decorated pillars or columns with dragon motifs. It was rather dark with candles illuminating the walls and light above. Before him was some strange platform with properly arranged, low-lying desks with cushions for seats. They were all empty, save for what Ead assumed to be a throne. He saw a Xauxi — the Emperor — right before him. The Emperor wore fine, ornate robes of gold. It was just Ead and the Emperor, and Ead somehow felt terrified despite knowing the Xauxi were docile creatures with a pitiful history. 

Suddenly, the amorphous blob of a being gained structure, as if the Emperor were growing bones from within. The loose skin tightened around distinguishable limbs and a face like a plastic shrink-wrap to temporarily preserve food. The figure stood, still wearing gold, and it spoke without moving his nonexistent lips, the words overlapping and gradually increasing in volume.

_ “Even you, Master of the Knights of Ren, have never faced such a test.” _

_ "Alas, you’re no Vader. You are just a child in a mask."  _

_ "Dark rises and light to meet it." _

_ “My worthy apprentice, son of darkness, heir apparent to Lord Vader!” _

_ “You have too much of your father's heart in you…” _

_ “Complete your training, and fulfill your destiny!” _

_ “He ignites it, and kills his true enemy!” _

At the zenith of the deafening roar of the voice that sounded like what sandpaper felt like, Ead’s eyes flung open and he sat straight up.

He was held back by his seatbelt. He realized that he was alive, but  _ Solitude _ was not unscathed; she still had an almost-severed wing and a completely shattered front window. Not to mention possible burns and scuffs and dents upon atmospheric entry and the passionate kiss with the planet’s crust. He managed to unbuckle the seatbelt and exit his ship, inspecting the damage as he went. He needed to get his bearings. The door at the back was still fully functional; it opened and closed at Ead’s command (of a remote control, of course. The _ Solitude _ could be commanded remotely, a feature Ead was proud of). Ead took a single step onto Yweh Nan, the bottom of his heavy boots crunching against the snow. There was no wind, but the cold bit at his nose, throat, and lungs with every breath. His hands were protected by his black leather gloves. He didn’t feel chilly at first, but he knew when night fell, he’d freeze. His usual three layers (four, if you counted the hooded cloak) of a tank, long sleeve shirt, and hugging coat might last him as long as the temperature didn’t drop any further. 

He glanced around, taking in his new surroundings. He had landed right on the edge of a forest, and he was lucky that he was mere meters from actually crashing into the trees, which were tall and imposing with dark needle-like leaves. Snow clumped on their branches. However, most striking of all was the silence. Ead knew the planet’s history and if he focused hard enough, he could sense the teeming of life in the sky, burrowed under the snow and ground, hiding in the trees. So where was everybody? No matter, it was probably better that nobody saw him. Especially up in what seemed to be the northern pole of the planet. Planets of such diverse temperatures usually had colder poles and tropical equators. 

Ead stepped out a little more. A mountain range stretched out on the other end of the forest. There was no howl of even the slightest breeze through the trees. He could hear his own heart beat, pushing blood through his vessels. He heard his own breathing like the breath of Yweh Nan. Each breath he exhaled let out a puff of white fog. The vast snowfield glittered under Yweh Nan’s sun, a beautiful golden disk in the clear, blue sky streaked with feathery white clouds. It was peaceful and calm and still.

Landing on planets never felt like this before. The few times he was permitted to make a terrestrial entrance were either with his Knights of Ren or his father and troopers. Always with an intention to kill. It was a relief that he came to a planet with a more wholesome plan. Could this be the place he was looking for?

Ead gazed around the snowfield, broken by the occasional bare tree that had strayed from the forest. He noticed a smaller, wider tree. However, upon further inspection, he realized he was not alone; the strange-looking tree was something — some _ one.  _

Ead sensed the presence when he recognized the other being. For some reason, he figured that if he stood perfectly still, the being might not register that he was even there. And then it took a step forward — a cautious one. Ead had already turned on his heel on instinct and was about to make a mad dash into the forest when he heard a voice. Speaking Galactic Basic. The voice was clear and sliced through the still, icy air.

“Wait!”

And for some reason, he did. He turned back and saw the figure approach. Ead realized he was slightly taller than whatever it was, so how bad could it be? He could stick his arm out, but it would be able to pull at his hair. 

Ead saw deep, navy blue. The figure was wearing a navy blue cloak. The hood was lined with a thick trim of some creature’s long fur. Its face was covered in a black organza scarf. It pulled down its hood and its scarf to reveal...a human face. 

A girl. Long, dark hair. Dark, upturned, slim eyes. Fair, warm-toned skin. Flat, round nose. Soft face with high cheekbones. Full, pale pink lips that were slightly cracked in the cold weather. That face had to look up at him (and his downwards to hers), but he knew she was rather tall since he didn’t have to crane his neck as low. 

She was breathtakingly beautiful. Ead was almost startled by it. 

“I want to help you,” she declared. Her voice was rather low yet warm. 

“I don’t need your help,” Ead blurted, and he almost smacked his own forehead. 

_ ‘Way to come off as an asshole, genius,’  _ he scolded himself.

“After that crash last night? Sure, you don’t,” she responded sarcastically. 

“I didn’t crash,” Ead said quickly. 

“Well, you’re not wrong. But you  _ did _ descend at a concerningly fast speed. I’m surprised your ship is intact as it is. How’d you do it?”

“It’s…complicated.” Ead took a glance back at his  _ Solitude.  _ “Anyways, do you know where I can go to find parts to fix something like this?”

“You’re out of luck. The most advanced technology we have is up there.” She pointed towards the distant mountain range. “And it’s in the form of a satellite dish.”

“Oh, fantastic.” It was Ead’s turn to be sarcastic. 

“Are you sure you don’t want any help? You’re not going to find anyone else who will.”

“Why?”

“They’ll kill you if they find you. You stand out like a sore thumb.”

“What? I’m a human, just like you…are you?”

“I am, but…we all look alike here. Dark, straight hair; dark, slim eyes; yellow skin; flat noses. Slight variations in tones and shades, but it’s generally the same idea. Who  _ are _ you, anyway?”

“Who are  _ you?”  _ Damn it, he really had to stop being defensive. She was trying to help him. He had to trust her. He sensed that every word and every intention was pure and true from her. Ead had never felt someone so full of light. 

“I asked you first.” Damn, she really did not play around. 

“My name is Ead.”

_ “Ead?”  _ She tried out. 

“Yep. E-A-D, Ead. What’s yours?”

“They call me lots of things.”

“Are you always so vague?” Ead retorted, which made the girl let out a single laugh. “What do they call you the most then?”

“It’s...hard to pronounce for people like you, but in your language, it translates to  _ ‘Phoenix,’ _ ” she responded.

“Phoenix,” Ead echoed. “How do they say it in your language?”

_ “Phueng,”  _ she told him. Ead tried to emulate the way her voice dropped when pronouncing the single syllable, but she laughed again when he made his attempt. 

He didn’t mind. Her smile was pure, white, and contagious. 

“I think you should just call me  _ ‘Phoenix,’ _ ” she suggested before handing him the scarf she had just taken off. “Take it. Put it on. And put your hood on. We need to hide your ship with snow — ”

“We don’t need snow,” Ead interjected, taking out his remote control and pressing the button that toggled its invisibility cloaking. 

Ead watched as  _ Solitude  _ disappeared, panel by panel. He hoped and prayed whatever wires that barely held the severed wing to the ship still allowed for the cloaking to work. He felt the massive knot in his chest immediately unfurl when the whole thing vanished, leaving behind nothing but the trees and snow and several skidmarks. 

Ead glanced at Phoenix. Her eyes were wide, and they caught the sunlight. Those dark eyes became translucent like a gemstone. They were the brilliant color of a fine varnished wood and full of childlike wonder. Her lips were slightly parted in shock.

“I’ve only ever  _ heard  _ about ships doing that,” she breathed, the condensation flowing from those pale pink lips. “Come on now. You need shelter.”

With that, she began to walk away, pulling her fur-lined hood over her head. Ead noticed her footprints, and when he lifted his own feet off the snowy ground, he figured he better do something. With a flick of his hand, he shifted the snow to fill their tracks. He took a glance over his shoulder, just to make sure.

Indeed, the snowfield behind him was as smooth as glass. Ead wrapped the scarf around his neck, pulling up the folds of the loop to cover his nose, and drew his hood. He sure was eager for someone who got stranded on an isolated planet and trusting of this Phoenix girl for someone whose entire life was pulled from under his feet. 

Despite it all, Ead felt such an emanating, comforting warmth from her; she really did live up to her name. 


	10. Black Sheep

Ead’s experiences with masks that covered the lower half of his face were the reason why he didn’t want to wear Phoenix’s scarf.

He was 14 years old. Young, promising, strong. The Knights of Ren — after lots of convincing and attempts to prove himself (to them and to his father) — finally accepted him as their young Master. They had met up with the Ren father and son on an arranged moon. This was Ead’s chance to finally taste freedom and power.

The Knights held out a large black mask in the shape of an armored shell scorpion. Ead took it and held it to his face. The “legs” on the mask wrapped snugly around his jaw. The chelicerae of the mask went right along his nose, ending at the bridge. The scorpion mask even had two pincers that stretched out of Ead’s central view and a tail that didn’t poke his chest if he needed to look down.

The mask made his voice drop (as he was rather young and it had yet to naturally. Even so, Ead didn’t think his voice would ever get as low as the mask made it). With a simple outward push of the legs along his jaw, the grip would automatically loosen, and the mask would come off.

The mask would conceal Ead’s identity while confirming the presence and the strength of the Knights of Ren. Ead was replacing his father’s position, but at the same time, he was a new leader. He was different from his father. The mask and Ead meant a new era with the same general principles. People would only be able to see Ead’s eyes, forehead, and hair. They may believe it was his father at first, but then they will realize that a new Master had risen. The armored shell scorpion had a powerful venom, but it already had its strong pincers and jaws. Ead was powerful, physically and mentally; people were meant to see it, feel it, and know it — just as prey and other creatures for the armored shell scorpion.

The mask allowed Ead to escape true guilt. Nobody knew who he truly was underneath it. They could curse at him all they liked, but they didn’t know who to direct their curses at. All they could see were his eyes, the pinching jaws. His physique and composure, his pincers. A weapon, his tail poised to strike. The Force, his venom. The mask, his hard shell.

Ead left it in his room on the capital ship. He wanted to molt and shed that exoskeleton and have his soft insides breathe for once. If any Knight of Ren saw Ead now with a black scarf covering his nose, they would certainly recognize their young master.

Still, the organza scarf felt light against his skin. The soft, vulnerable skin of the newly-molted scorpion.

\-----

When Ead passed through a bustling town, he suddenly felt very apprehensive. Sure, he made Phoenix go back to his ship to retrieve his minimal belongings (most importantly, his lightsaber, but also the food and soap chunks he managed to scrap together), but he still felt so _exposed._

He learned very quickly why Phoenix gave him her scarf. Yes, it was freezing cold, but this scarf definitely did not provide a hint of warmth. He realized what Phoenix meant about standing out.

To put it simply, Ead was the only white person on the face on Yweh Nan.

And what Phoenix said was true; not one person had white skin as he did. Even the palest of Yweh Nan inhabitants had hints of yellow in their skin tone. His thinner, sharper nose; wider, rounder eyes; and lighter, wavier hair further exacerbated the difference, but he had obeyed Phoenix’s earlier command to pull on the hood of his cloak and wear that scarf. Even then, his clothes made him stand out. For starters, he was the only person who wore uniform black. The men of the town wore loose, robe-clothing while Ead strutted around in more snugly fitting shirt, coat, and pants.

He found a deep respect and even admiration for Phoenix. She knew all this and him. She knew the consequences. And she protected him: the stranger who intruded upon her planet.

Ead noticed how he towered over most of these Yweh Nan natives. From what he could see, even Phoenix stood above everyone, even the men by a few inches.

He watched as Phoenix bought native fruits, vegetables, meats, and spices. Every vendor took one look at the cloaked Ead and asked Phoenix warily (to his Galactic Basic ears), _“Eye vay?”_

Phoenix told him they were just asking who he was. Ead asked what she always responded, and she told him, “A friend.”

 _‘A friend…’_ Ead repeated to himself. It had been a very long time since someone called him a _“friend.”_ It was always _“young Master,”_ or _“sir,”_ even from people his own age. But here, he was nothing, and the idea of starting anew exhilarated him.

The town was made of many stone and wooden buildings. Many buildings were two or three stories high with balconies gazing down into the streets below. The widest street of the town was always lined with carts and boxes and blankets of vendors, offering their goods. Most were food vendors, but Ead also spotted several beautiful handmade craft vendors. He saw people who painted beautiful drawings or words with ink on paper. He noticed several flower vendors, some with carts and others with their own buildings. Many cloth vendors: some on blankets on the ground, some in boutique-like buildings, some with a specialized cart that displayed the fabrics on tiered bars. Children ran around with kites and toys while their parents yelled. Vendors shouted, advertising their wares. Buyers bartered and argues for lower prices.

Just this town alone, and so full of life.

Something hit Ead in the upper arm, and he turned to see some sort of paper craft fall beside his feet. He looked around and saw the frightened eyes of a group of children gawking at him.

The look in their eyes terrified him as much as he probably terrified them. He knew that look all too well. He forced himself to wave a little, but how amiable could a tall, cloaked figure in all-black be? Phoenix knelt down before him to pick up the paper craft. She smoothed out the wrinkles in the cleverly folded paper, walked to the group of children, and held it out to them. Ead could only see her back, but he imagined a kind smile on those lips. The children’s eyes immediately lit up, one of them taking the paper craft, and bowed to Phoenix, saying something that sounded like, _“Cam uh-n, coh!”_

The children then ran off with eager smiles as Phoenix waved to them.

“What did they say?” Ead asked.

 _“‘Thank you,’”_ Phoenix said plainly. “Now, c’mon. We have to get going.”

“Where to?”

“To the mountains.” Phoenix tilted her head north.

“Why didn’t we walk there ourselves?”

“Do you really want to _walk_ through the forest?” Phoenix raised a brow.

She had a point. Ead just silently followed his guardian through the bustling town until they came across a building with several wooden columns in front of it. The columns had ropes tied around them, and some of the columns were “occupied”: some sort of equine creature with strong, slender, curved legs and long manes and tails.  From its knees down, its legs were covered in hair like its mane and tail. Some had a single antler while others did not. Phoenix walked right up to one of those beautiful yet strange creatures. Its mane and tail were elegantly braided. Its main coat was white while the mane, tail, and legs were blonde. It had a single antler, its branches ornately decorated with thin gold chains.

“They’re called _kee lun,_ ” Phoenix told Ead as she stroked the creature’s neck and fed it a carrot-like vegetable. “This is mine, and his name is _Back Ma._ Don’t worry, he’s friendly.”

Ead was hesitant to touch “ _Back Ma.”_ Phoenix handed him some sort of fruit and gestured for him to feed it to Back Ma. Ead held his hand out, and Back Ma eagerly ate from Ead’s hand, nudging him with its long face. Ead reached under the _kee lun’_ s long chin and gave it a good scratch. Phoenix flashed another pearly smile as she undid the ropes holding Back Ma to the column and told Ead, “He likes you.”

She placed her newly bought groceries and Ead’s belongings into a satchel on the saddle of the _kee lun_ and mounted the creature in two, smooth motions. She offered her hand out to him, and Ead was almost stunned at the gesture. He took it and felt her pull him up. Ead didn’t have much of a foothold on the saddle, so he used the Force to ease his landing. She seemed impressed at his “jump”. Now, closely behind her, Ead felt his face grow hot. He had half a mind to hug her since she was so warm, her body emanated heat, but he knew that would be too weird.

“Hold on,” she instructed.

Ead hesitated to put his arms around her body, but when Phoenix gave the strings a tug and Back Ma began moving, Ead clung to her. It reminded him very much of when he would hug his mother’s leg when he was a shy toddler.

Ead never noticed how long Phoenix’s hair was, as it was tucked underneath her navy cloak. With it constantly flying into his face as they rode away, he detected a faint floral smell. He didn’t expect that, given what he saw from people in the village who wore rags patched together or dirtied clothes. In fact, Phoenix probably wore the most color out of anybody in that earthen-toned town. Plus, Back Ma had those gold ornaments in his antler. Whoever Phoenix was, she definitely wasn’t from that town.

Ead could see the forest again, and he sensed his _Solitude,_ waiting for him to fix her up. However, there was no trace that Ead had crashed there or that Phoenix had — in a word — rescued him.

“Where are we going?” Ead asked her over the heavy thudding of Back Ma’s hooves on the snow path.

“My final destination,” she replied again.

What was it with this girl and never answering directly?

“Care to elaborate?”

“It’s in the mountains. They’re closer than you think,” she explained. “There’s a massive satellite dish in them, and it’s supposed to be actively monitored since it can detect incoming ships or communications, but you don’t get paid for that kind of job, so the watch station’s been abandoned for years.”

“Why do you have to go there if it’s abandoned?”

“It’s technically _my_ job now.”

“I’m guessing you knew I was coming?”

“Not exactly. Long story. I’ll tell you everything you want to know and more when we get there!”

And so the two of them — an outsider dressed in black and fair maiden in navy — atop a white _kee lun_ raced through the forest covered in snow. Ead felt as though they were so exposed yet unseen.


	11. In the Mountains

After racing through the forest, the terrain became more hilly. The vast, gradual slopes were dotted with the occasional village. The mountains grew larger as Ead and Phoenix drew nearer. When Phoenix retrieved Ead, he figured it was still morning. By the time they reached the town, it was probably near midday. Now, the sun was setting, dying the snow a rich orange-gold. At one point, Ead found himself staring down into a gargantuan sunken hill valley. It was almost perfectly elliptical and filled with buildings and thin smoke columns. 

“That is the town of  _ Thweeit Bac, _ ” Phoenix said, slowing Back Ma down to a stop and pointing. “Major and largest city in this area.”

_ “Bac?”  _ Ead echoed. “Like Back Ma?”

“Well, they’re pronounced slightly different. Listen!  _ ‘Back’  _ and  _ ‘bac.’”  _

Phoenix’s voice dipped as she said the first word and the vowel sound was more sustained. The second time, her voice went higher, and the vowel sound was abrupt, almost as if she had choked on something. Still, it was baffling, and Ead just tilted his head like a confused canine. 

“What’s the difference in meaning then?” Ead asked, trying to redeem his self esteem. 

_ “‘Back’  _ means white or silver, and  _ ‘bac’  _ means northern,” Phoenix explained. “This city’s name literally translates to  _ ‘Northern Snow’  _ in Basic. It hosts an annual ice sculpture contest every year, and the main building is literally an ice palace! There, look! It’s catching the last of the sunset!”

Phoenix pointed straight ahead, and Ead could see a bright glare in his eyes. In the middle of white and brown, he could make of the translucent ice palace. 

“Is that where you’re from?” Ead asked out of curiosity.

“No, fortunately. I can’t handle the cold very well. I’m from the capital city,  _ Zye An _ ,” she informed him. “It’s much further south.”

“So how’d you end up here?”

“I’ll tell you when we get there. The mountains are very close now, at least.”

She was right; beyond the sunken city, the mountains sloped sharply upwards. Phoenix led them on the rim of the valley and circled  _ Thweeit Bac.  _ Several spaced-out copses of dark green needle-leaf trees stood in the midst of a vast field that sat between the hill valley and the start of the mountain range. Ead could see more trees dotting the edge where the rocks began and sloped steeply upward. 

“How long have we been traveling?” Ead asked as they began to traverse the field. “The sun’s almost down.”

“It’s wintertime,” Phoenix answered. “At the poles, there’s less daytime. When it’s summer, it feels like day never ends.”

“We’re not gonna make it before dark,” Ead warned. 

“That’s not a problem.”

Phoenix raised the saddle strings and brought them down quickly, urging Back Ma to go faster. The  _ kee lun  _ began to race through the massive field covered in snow. As the sun dipped below the horizon, the sky was dyed a rich muted blue, streaked with darker gray clouds. 

It was barely light enough to see a thing; Ead feared they would run right into the mountainside, but Back Ma slowed to a stop. Ead felt Phoenix’s warmth slip away from him as she stepped down from Back Ma. Ead figured he’d follow suit. With his gloved left hand on the  _ kee lun’ _ s flank, he followed as Phoenix began to lead them to what was essentially a wall of sheer rock guarded by low-lying shrubbery and taller coniferous trees. Phoenix stopped where the shrubbery flattened but was shielded by cone-shaped and flat-top trees. Along that portion of the mountainside before the flat shrubbery were tall tendrils that stretched all along the face of the rock. The mountain’s beard with thin, needle leaves like the trees it connected. Ead watched as Phoenix parted the coniferous vines like beaded curtains with the back of her free hand, revealing a large vestibule. When Ead passed through the vine curtain, he found himself in a stone tunnel. All along the walls and top of the cave, those vines clung for dear life. However, Ead noticed how the cave-tunnel was dimly light; the seed cones emitted a faint light. 

The tunnel opened up to a vast cavern, and Ead could hear moving water. Ead took note of how it was just stone formations. Phoenix continued down another opening with something red woven into the vines along the top of the opening, and it felt as though they were walking forever. 

At some point, past a stalagmite bound in some glossy red ribbon, the tunnel opened up again to a larger cave. Ead could see a makeshift stable made of uneven logs and sticks and bunches of hay bales. Phoenix led Back Ma to the stable and fetched all the goods stored in his side satchel, closing the makeshift gate. There was a smaller entrance of sorts, and Phoenix beckoned Ead to follow her through it. A massive alcove on the side of a mountain, as if some massive hand ran its hand through the stone. The alcove lead to an open space between mountains (not exactly a valley since the way down was tiered in sections like blocky, uneven stairs). In that space grew trees that bore glowing fruit and several gurgling springs. Under the shelter of the mountain alcove was definitely a place for somebody to live. Several parts of the half-cave had smaller recesses, and in them had things like beds and fireplaces. Ead wondered if Phoenix carved those herself or found it like that. 

The entire mini-valley was surrounded by these carved-out living areas with ceilings Ead could touch with his fingertips when he stretched his arms straight up. Ead recalled Phoenix saying people worked for the satellite dish. He wondered if they lived here, too. Ead figured the section where Phoenix lived was the most decorated one. Along the interior of the mountain was a bed, embedded right into the cave walls. The alcove was perfectly rectangular: long enough for someone to lie down on and wide enough for two, and there was about a meter between the top of the alcove and the ceiling of the cave. Along the top of the alcove that the bed was in were gossamer curtains, shielding the exposed side of the bed. There was a thick, soft cushion of sorts that Ead imagined was the mattress; it was ornately embroidered. Several plush pillows of different shapes and sizes (also embroidered like the mattress) laid along one end of the bed (Ead figured that was the designated head of the bed). Fur blankets and woven blankets laid folded on the opposite end. The bed was overall a dark red, nearly maroon. Makeshift candelabras embedded on either side of the bed alcove revealed glints of gold thread in the embroidery.

Underneath those candelabras were lacquered trunks or chests of sorts. Shelves were artificially built into the smooth stone walls of the cavern. Over the low alcove of a fireplace (on the opposite wall to the bed) were shelves stacked with spices and herbs, bowls of fruit and vegetables, and cooking utensils. Outside, in a hole filled with snow, were perishable foods like raw meat and fish Phoenix said she planned on cooking later. Phoenix truly made herself at home. The stone floor had a woven rug of sorts between the bed alcove and the fireplace alcove. A clothesline ran from tree to tree in the natural courtyard. 

A low-sitting, square table surrounded by four large square cushions sat in the middle of the little living area.  Scattered around the quarters were various cushioned stools. Ead noticed that there had to be at least four other similar living quarters all carved from the mountainside and facing the springs courtyard, and Phoenix seemed to be the only inhabitant.

Ead watched as Phoenix cleared another bed alcove, which was covered in folded clothes. She took some of her cushions and blankets and laid them out.

Ead stepped forward, wanting to tell her that there was no need, but she responded instead, “Don’t worry about the color. We can go into the city tomorrow and buy all sorts of fabrics, cushions, blankets, and mattresses in something more your taste.”

He was utterly gobsmacked by her hospitality. He wanted to consider her the nicest person he met, but he didn’t know if it was part of the Yweh Nan culture or just her. 

“What is this place?” Ead asked her as she began to gather some pots and knives to begin cooking. 

“It used to be a command center of sorts for the satellite dish,” Phoenix responded casually as she diced some aromatic vegetable. “You’re free to wander around and explore it yourself. If you get lost, just look for things marked in red ribbon. They’ll lead you back here.”

She turned back to her cooking, which was on a rectangular outcropping of the cave that looked like a counter. 

Ead was slow to leave Phoenix alone, mostly because he had no clue what to do or where to go. He wandered back to the stables where Back Ma laid sleeping in his makeshift pen. There were more openings in the cavern, and Ead could hear the breeze howl lowly through the cave systems. He decided to walk through a random tunnel, pressing his hand against the jagged stone walls. The moment his fingertips touched the cold rock, Ead’s vision blurred. No, “blurred” wasn’t exactly how it felt. It felt as though Ead had suddenly raced through the lengths of the cave system, and the blur was the result of the speed. 

Ead could see down every possible path and where they would end up. Some led to living quarters like Phoenix’s. Most led to a large cavern, gaping wide in the middle of the mountains. It was larger than the entrance cavern or where Back Ma stayed. It was filled with perfectly cuboidal or rectangular rocks, embedded with control panels and switches and buttons. Desks. Chairs of smaller, cube-cut rocks were beside the rock-desks. Everything looked as though it were part of the mountain. And Ead could see all sorts of Stormtroopers clad in white, marching through and creating this secret facility in the mountain. This cavern also had a large opening to the outside world. It opened up to an area between mountains — too narrow to be considered a valley, but it was like a large-scale version of the courtyard near Phoenix’s quarters. Ead could see a single figure clad in all black gazing out of the wide opening. Ead stepped closer. He saw that the opening led to a small cliff and opened to a large dish, its base several meters below. There were explosions sounding from below, and Ead didn’t know why. 

The Stormtroopers were running some sort of test, Ead figured as he watched the dish swivel back and forth, slowly but in a grand motion. Probably like how a Xauxi like the Emperor moved if it could. 

Ead felt a blast of energy come from the massive dish, an invisible ray charging through the atmosphere and striking a test shuttle. The figure in black that Ead stood beside breathed heavily — almost obnoxiously. Was the person okay? Were they just not used to the altitude?

Right as Ead turned to look at the person, the figure had already walked away. 

_ “Sir, the dish is in perfect condition. On the Southern Pole, we’ve received similar reports,”  _ a trooper told the figure, standing in attention.

_ “Have the southern dish’s direct controls been blocked off yet?”  _ The figure in black asked, their voice almost robotic and baritone.

_ “Yes, sir. However, it seems that we are out of explosives here.” _

_ “Where?” _

_ “Well, uh, sir...right here. On this precipice. Anyone can simply tether down from here to reach the basic controls of the dish. Every other possible entrance is blocked.” _

_ “Very well. That is no problem.” _

The figure turned to face Ead — but he figured it was actually to face the massive dish since Ead was experiencing a vision of sorts— and raised both of its arms. The ground rumbled, and Ead could hear loud cracking of sorts. Ead was showered in dust and pebbles before he realized what was going on: the figure was somehow bringing down the ceiling to cover this massive opening. Ead ran out of the way to the far back of the room, phasing through several troopers and leaping over the rock desks. The troopers struggled to maintain their balance as the rocks came crashing down. 

At last, things stood still, and the wide window to the world was sealed, buried under layers of massive boulders. The figure in black lowered its arms. 

_ “Is that all, Captain?”  _ The figure asked the trooper.

_ “No, sir. That was the final entrance.” _

_ “Thank you. We shall leave now to report to the Crown Prince and make our way back to the Empire.” _

_ “Yes, sir.” _

As the troopers began to march out of the cavern, the figure in black stood still, gazing up at the massive rock wall he had just built. Ead watched in a stunned silence, trying to process what had just happened. The marching of the troopers echoed somewhere down the cavern, coupled with the breathing of the figure. Suddenly, Ead found himself gazing into a familiar mask and helmet: Darth Vader. They were meters apart, but it felt as though Ead’s great-grandfather were staring him down from the past into the future. Darth Vader turned on his heel and made his way out of the cavern, his black cape flowing behind him, and Ead watched him go. 

Suddenly, the room was filled with Yweh Nan people, lounging around. Some with headsets on their heads, on the tables, on the floor, on the rock chairs. Some were attentive to what the dish picked up, while most wandered about. Just as they appeared, the working men disappeared, and the room was barren. Ead thought the vision was over until a single figure appeared at one of the small entrances to the control center. A young girl with a gold circlet in her hair. She wore an elegant, fur-trimmed coat of navy and held out a single candle holder. Her slim, dark eyes were wide with wonder as she gazed around the facility while her familiar face was still soft and squishy from youth. A young Phoenix. Everything around him began to blur again, as if Ead were jumping through hyperspace right then and there. He found himself back to where he was, standing in a cave entrance to Back Ma’s pen-cave. 

Driven by some mysterious will, Ead sprinted all the way to that facility. He knew every nook and cranny of the cave system now. Perhaps not as well as Phoenix, but he knew where to go. He saw the looming rock wall where his great-grandfather brought down the rocks. Ead was tempted to use the Force to lift those rocks, but he thought about the cave’s stability. The rock wall held up the ceiling, and if Ead took it away, he could bring the whole roof down on him. 

Only one of those desks embedded into the rock tables remained active. Ead figured it was the one Phoenix used. Some sort of pamphlet of paper laid on the desk and a writing utensil. Ead figured it was a log of sorts as Phoenix jotted down what she heard. 

Why was it Phoenix’s job to listen to what’s on the air now? Why was she all alone in this endeavor? His gloved fingers traced over that notebook, and he was tempted to read it. Suddenly, a strange voice made him turn his head.

“Beautiful planet, isn’t it?”

Ead whipped around to face the source of the voice. He was surprised to see a young man around his age standing before him. The man had sandy blonde hair in long waves — a hairstyle much like Ead’s, but a little short. He had a scar near his right eye. Most striking was a faint white aura surrounding him. The man approached Ead, and Ead found himself eye-to-eye with him.

“Who are you?” Ead asked. “How did you get here?”

“Who do you think I am?” The young man lifted his scarred eyebrow. 

Ead glanced at the young man up and down. He noticed the dark tunics, but what gave it away was the loose, hooded dark brown robe.

“You’re a Jedi,” Ead answered. He didn’t know how to feel about saying that. The Jedi were supposed to be eradicated. They were the enemy of the First Order —  _ his  _ enemy.

“ _ Was _ a Jedi,” the young man corrected.

“You’re a Force ghost?!” Ead asked, his heart swelling with excitement. He probably sounded like an eager child. 

The young man smiled and held his arms out, as if letting Ead take in the sight of the apparition. 

“Do you know who I am?” Ead inquired. 

“Everyone knows who you are, Ead,” the young man said. It sent chills down Ead’s spine to hear this complete stranger say his name. “You’re the son of Kylo Ren. You’re the Master of the Knights of Ren and the heir to the First Order. We know.”

“Who is  _ ‘we?’ _ ”

“Fellow Jedi — well, fellow ones who were able to keep their consciences after death.”

“Ones who fully embraced the Light. Practiced selflessness and sacrifice,” Ead practically recited from a distant fragment of his memory. The young man smiled again — that half-smile that looked more like a smirk. 

“You’re surprised I’m here,” the young man commented, reading the Force between them. “You’re wondering how a Jedi Master like me is reaching out to someone who is trained in the Dark side. And why.”

Ead could only nod. 

“Well, I was never actually a Jedi Master, but that’s a story for another time,” the young man dismissed flippantly. “You should go. I sense you have somewhere else to be.”

“Will I see you again?” Ead blurted. Did that sound too eager? 

“Of course.” The young man gave his signature smirk-smile and faded away.

“Wait!” Ead cried, but it was too late. His voice simply echoed around the cave. 

_ ‘I didn’t even get to ask for your name…’  _

As Ead made his way back to Phoenix, his mind was racing. The Force ghost of a Jedi Knight communicating with him? The idea of it excited him, but it actually happened! Ead looked forward to the next time he would meet with the Jedi Knight. 


	12. Domicile

When Ead returned to the living quarters, he saw Phoenix setting down bowls, napkins, and eating utensils onto the low, square table. She had changed clothes into an outfit of all-white: loose flowing robes with wide, draping sleeves. Most peculiar of all was the sleeveless gown that went right up to her chest with some sort of flowing ribbon tied below her breasts that held the gown to her body. Most robes he saw in the town were crossed at the chest and covered up to one’s neck. However, Ead could see Phoenix’s collarbones and part of her upper chest. He almost found himself indecent for staring at her that way, but he noticed a design embroidered in shimmering thread and faceted gemstones on that portion of the gown. Ead almost worried as to how she kept warm since all those layers of white were some type of translucent fabric, but he noticed a white fur coat-robe spilling out over the edge of her bed. 

“Have fun exploring?” Phoenix asked as she set down a bowl of freshly-washed herbs. 

“Sure did,” Ead responded as he sat down on one of the cushions around the table. 

“What did you find?” Phoenix continued to talk as she went to the fireplace and sat down by it.

“I found a command center of sorts,” Ead answered, watching as Phoenix took a bowl filled with food and a ladle, opened the lid of the pot dangling over the active stone fireplace, and used the ladle to pour some sort of broth into the bowl. 

“The one with the big collapsed wall?” Phoenix asked for clarification, standing up and walking back to the table.

_ “Uhhh,  _ yeah. I tried to move a rock, but I almost brought the ceiling down.”

Phoenix let out a gentle chuckle, her lips curling up high, cheeks rounding and forcing her eyes to become upturned slits. Ead didn’t think it was anything funny, but he felt pleased with himself for making her smile.

“So, what’s this?” Ead asked, his mouth watering at the aroma of the broth in the air. 

“It’s a noodle soup,” Phoenix answered as she walked to him with two steaming bowls and set them down. Ead noticed that her long, dark hair fell past her waist, but it looked less voluminous than normal and more dense; it was wet, so she must have washed it recently while Ead was exploring. “It has herbs, vegetables, and meat. It’s not spicy at all, unless you want it to be.”

“I like spicy food,” Ead blurted, causing Phoenix to smile again. He enjoyed the occasional burst of flavor within the First Order canteens, yes, but it wasn’t like he was snacking on those special peppers that grow on volcanic planets.

Such special peppers were used in gas bombs to sting the eyes or in a convenient aerosol. At the same time, it was regarded as a delicacy. Ead recalled long ago hearing about them from fellow First Order members his age during training. A large shipment had come in from one of the planets that farmed those peppers — a massive smuggle attempt thwarted.  The younger Ead commented aloud that eating one of those peppers would cause the consumer to breathe fire, to which everybody — including the troopers and commanding adults — laughed at. A strange memory to recall now. Had Phoenix ever eaten things that spicy? Did spicier things exist? A whole galaxy around him, and he spent most of his time on the First Order’s missions. 

The utensils Phoenix handed him were peculiar: two, black glossy sticks with one end more cuboidal that gradually shrank to a thinner, cylindrical end and a peculiar ladle-like spoon made of porcelain. The flat basin of the spoon had little, elegant paintings. Since Ead had no idea how to use the sticks, he decided to sample the broth with the spoon. Sure, it looked strange, but a spoon was a spoon... _ right?  _

He blew a little on the miniature bowl of soup he was bringing to his lips, and already the aroma made his stomach growl. He began to sip and found himself completely enchanted by the scrumptious taste. As delicious as it was, he had to actually  _ eat,  _ but he didn’t want to embarrass himself. Ead watched Phoenix maneuver the two sticks in her head. She held them like she would a brush or pen. Her first finger and thumb pinched the upper stick while the second stick was held between her middle and ring finger. She was able to grab the food by moving the last three fingers of her hand holding the second stick while the first stick remained stationary. She piled some noodles onto the large spoon, some herbs and vegetables caught in the gangly white net, and placed a few slices of cooked meat on it. 

Ead did the same, taking a few mouthfuls from the single spoonful; his taste buds screamed in joy and excitement. Phoenix was an  _ amazing  _ cook, and the food of Yweh Nan left him smitten to it. He could never enjoy the routine canteen lunches again. 

“What do you think?” Phoenix asked before she pressed her lips against a spoonful of broth.

“I think this food is good and that you’re a good cook,” Ead complimented, giving her a half-smile of his own. 

“Really? You think so?” Her entire face brightened and dropped in shock, and Ead was surprised at this reaction; had no one ever complimented her cooking before? Or was it that she had never cooked for anyone besides herself?

“Yes, I think so,” Ead confirmed before adding more playfully, “I think I’ll have to stay with you forever now.”

Phoenix’s face scrunched up into a smile again, but this time, she flashed her pearlescent teeth. She had a shred of a green herb stuck between her two front teeth, but otherwise, Ead found himself lost in that smile. He found his own lips stretching back into their own. 

The rest of the meal was spent in general silence, save for the slurping made by both Ead and Phoenix. She finished her bowl before Ead (which made sense since Ead was still struggling with the utensils. Ead always considered himself dexterous until now; he realized perhaps his fine motor skills needed some attention). Phoenix stood up and set her empty bowl with the sticks and spoons in them on a stone counter jutting from the wall of the cave. 

“You should bathe once you’re done eating,” she suggested.

“How do you do that here?”

“In the hot springs, of course. I have many fragrances in the form of salts, oils, dried flower petals and herbs, soap bars. Which do you want?” Phoenix went to another wall of the cave on the other end of an opening leading out to the courtyard. Suddenly, she pulled the wall back, and Ead realized it was a secret cabinet built right into the cave. There, Ead saw several vials and jars of the exact things she had listed.

But even if a fragrance came to mind, how would he tell her? As fluent and clear her Galactic Basic was, there were just some things one couldn’t understand unless they grew up in a similar environment. Ead already knew that there were some words that could not be translated or transcribed. 

“Surprise me,” he told her. “Nothing too flowery, though.”

Ead imagined her smiling warmly and gently, laughing to herself at that addendum. He could hear the soft scraping of the glass containers against the stone as she twisted them to read labels or examine the contents. He could hear the low  _ plunk  _ of the cork tops being pulled out or a higher-pitched scraping of a cap being unscrewed when she tried to smell the contents. 

Ead watched as she walked through the large opening to the outside, carrying a single torch. Because of the hot springs, it was fairly warm in the courtyard in comparison to the cave system or the outside world; Ead could sense the heat and hear the bubbling from here — although, he was literally a few feet from the doorway, so it was obvious. He watched as Phoenix knelt down and leaned over the edge of a hot spring and sprinkled in the fragrant herbs and leaves as well as salts and soap, causing the surface of the spring to be covered in bubbles. 

Ead was still baffled at how hospitable Phoenix was, but he felt awkward for staring at her for so long, even if she didn’t notice him. As he gazed around the living quarters, he noticed a patch of papers on the walls. In a basket atop one of her trunks was bundles of yarn. Hanging from the ceiling were all sorts of paper crafts. Atop the bed, Ead could see through the translucent curtains an elongated zither instrument of sorts and a strange looking guitar with a perfectly circular body. He had a sense that this Phoenix girl had many talents. Ead, seeing into his bowl that there was no more solid food, lifted it and tilted it, his lips against the smooth, warm ones of the bowl. He drank the broth, feeling its warmth fill his mouth and wash down his throat. He was full, indeed. He stood up and stacked his bowl on top of Phoenix’s, which had gone cold. He placed both sets of utensils inside his bowl and walked outside. 

Ead watched Phoenix as she drew back the pooling sleeves of her robe-like gown, bent her arm, and stuck her elbow into the bubbling springs. Her hair, although still damp, slowly slipped from behind her back to the front and threatened to swing into the water again. Ead could smell a strange combination of fragrances, but it was oddly calming and pleasing to his nostrils. Phoenix noticed his approaching and stood up, brushing off the skirt of her gowns. 

“Don’t go in just yet!” She instructed, her face suddenly changing to a more shocked expression as she were pricked by a needle. Ead silently obeyed and observed Phoenix as she picked up her skirts and daintily sprinted past him, the flowing fabrics of her clothes flying right by him. 

She stood half into her quarters, leaning her upper body in and reaching for something. Why she didn’t just step inside entirely, Ead wasn’t sure, but whatever she was doing, it was almost endearing. When Phoenix stood straight again, she held a torch with a small, flicking orange flame. She walked to one side of the pathway that framed the door and placed the torch to it. Ead watched as the flames spread in a linear fashion across the rocks that lined the path. Phoenix did the same to the other side, and the flames semi-encircled the hot springs bath in low, orange flickers; Ead estimated the height of the flames to his knees. 

“What’s the fire for?” Ead asked.

“To keep you warm as you head back inside,” Phoenix responded, walking to him. Ead could see the outer edge of the pathway from the quarters to the bath was completely in flames while the inner edge broke, allowing half the circumference of the springs to be accessible without getting burned. Ead could see that the rocks glowed slightly blue while on fire. 

“Guessing you learned the hard way?” Ead asked amusingly, smiling a little. That caused Phoenix to chuckle and smile.

“I did. I got very ill and had to nurse myself back to health for four months,” she told him.

Somehow, hearing that hurt something in Ead more than it should have. He didn’t know her for a full 24 hours, but he was attached to her. Perhaps it was because she was the first and only person to come to his aid. She knew the planet well ( _ ‘Of course she would, she spent her whole life on this rock,’ _ he scolded himself). Still, it was her selfless compassion that touched Ead. 

“Okay, now go take your bath. I’m going to go find a spare towel for you,” Phoenix told him and walked back inside.

_ ‘She doesn’t want to see you undress,’  _ something playful inside Ead joked. Something darker said the exact same thing at the exact same time, burrowing in his chest a sense of insecurity. The first seed of a new Darkness had been planted in his heart, a fear he would not be able to put into words until much later, a fear he easily looked over now: the fear of Phoenix hating him, being repulsed by him. 

Ead lifted the cloak from his shoulders and tried his best to fold it in an orderly fashion, but its own natural folds counted the neat quarters Ead attempted. Ead unbuttoned and unzipped his coat, feeling a slight chill as the sweat that had formed while he was eating the noodle soup began to evaporate through his clothes. 

Suddenly, a gnawing feeling at the apex of his heart told him that somebody was watching him. Ead immediately glanced to the side and saw a flowing white fabric grazing the floor quickly withdraw back into the shadows of the half-cave. In came that feeling again...was Ead supposed to be flattered? Embarrassed? Why was she peeking? Was she disappointed by what she saw? What did she expect? Why did she expect anything? The questions seared through his mind as he undressed and slunk into the spring. 

Ead felt delightfully surprised to find that the springs had a natural outcropping that acted as bench. The water, when Ead sat and slouched, bubbled at his chest; if he stood, the water was at his waist. Whatever Phoenix put in the gurgling water, it created a thick layer of frothy bubbles. The bubbles covered up to his clavicle. Ead sank under the water just so that his nose hovered millimeters above the bubble layer. 

It reminded him of simpler times with his mother. Those days she used to bathe him before he could learn to wash himself. Playing in the waters of a shallow pool in a cave. When the waves on the sacred island weren’t as tempestuous and consuming, how they’d ran along the rocky beaches, allowing the soles of their feet to get cut up by the sharp pebbles. Standing on the edge of a low cliff and getting sprayed by the leaping waves that crashed against the rocks. The Lanai Caretakers constantly chasing after him whenever his mother left to be alone. His grandmother, telling him the stories of her twin brother and the legend he became. For a moment, it warmed him. He wanted to go back. He had half a mind to just reach out to his mother and say, “Mama, I’m going home,” but he had unfinished business. He had to make his father pay. 

Ead let out a huff, creating a large hole in the once-even layer of bubbles. He then leaned his head against the edge of the hot springs, closing his eyes. After a while (Ead didn’t know how much time had passed), he grew aware of gentle footsteps approaching. He opened his eyes to see Phoenix near him, holding a beautiful lantern, painted with the flowering branch. The flames along the edge of the walkway bent toward and away from her. In her arms, she carried folded bundles of white. 

“Mind if I join you?” She asked with a tilt of her head. 

“Wh-what?!” Ead immediately sat up straight, feeling his heart race a parsec per second and his mind buzzing like a jump through hyperspace. 

“Oh! I’m sorry! Was it something I said?” Phoenix took a tentative step back. Ead examined every motion of her body; she wasn’t trying to be seductive or enticing, so why had she asked him that?

“What do you mean by... ‘join me?’” Ead questioned, his words as on edge as he was. 

“You know,  _ join  _ you. Sit next to you, talk to you.”

“Oh.” That was a relief. Kind of? “I thought you meant something else.”

“What else could that have meant?”

“Well, you said  _ ‘join me,’  _ so by the context, I thought you meant join me...in  _ here. _ ” Ead pointed to the warm, bubbling, bubbly spring water.

“Oh!” Phoenix squealed, putting a hand over her mouth. “I didn’t mean it like that!”

Ead found his lips slightly curled in an endearing smile. Something about her was just... _ charming.  _ At the same time, Ead recalled that Basic wasn’t her first language; her fluency was impressive, but only a native could pick up on semantics as subtle as what had just unfolded. Still, that didn’t reduce her ability to speak Basic at all. She spoke it seamlessly, and her voice was much more pleasing to listen to than the sneering, nasally Hux or the harsh trooper leaders. It was warm and low, much like his mother’s. 

“C’mon,” Ead encouraged, putting his arm up against the smooth bank of the spring. “You can sit and chat. I don’t always get to talk to someone like this.”

_ ‘Never intimately. Never in this calm environment. Never. Unless I’m about to kill them,’  _ something deep in the shadows of his mind echoed. 

Phoenix sat down, inches away from Ead’s head, on her heels. Her white robes and sleeves pooled around her, as if she had created her own bathing spring out of silk. Ead leaned his head back and looked at her, and she gazed back. They didn’t say anything to each other, only exchanging soft smiles.

“You aren’t going to wash your hair?” Phoenix asked him at last.

“I suppose I should,” Ead responded, sitting up a little. “It  _ has  _ been a while.”

At that moment, Ead tilted his head back into the frothy water and immediately sat up again. When he met Phoenix’s gaze, she had a slim brow raised and half a smile on her lips. 

“What?” Ead asked defensively.

“That’s not how you wash hair!” Phoenix’s smile burst out. Ead was almost too entranced to ask what she meant. Instead, the words that streamed from his lips were:

“Show me how then.”

Phoenix shuffled on her flattened lower leg until she was directly behind Ead. She placed her hands on either side of his head, gently pushing him to the water. Ead found himself gazing directly into those eyes, and he tried to look away (could she feel his anxious thoughts bouncing around in his skull with her hands so close to it?); he resolved to closing his eyes as the most natural way of avoiding eye contact. 

He felt Phoenix begin to massage his scalp, rubbing in the scented bubbles with her fingers. Ead felt the pulsating little circles, and it stimulated another memory. His mother, at the end of countless days playing in shallow seawater pools, massaging Ead’s scalp to wash the sea salt from the waves of his hair. Her fingers combing through his hair, constantly encountering knots with each slow and gentle clawing. Massaging at the crown of his head, rotating around to the back of his ears and back of his neck. Combing at his hairline and temples. Ead had closed his eyes, and he half-expected his mother to be looking over him, beaming at him and complimenting him after a day of fishing and collecting all sorts of pebbles. 

But he was 17 years old, not 7. He didn’t want Phoenix to stop washing his hair because it felt as though she were draining those bloodstained memories right from his brain. Wringing the blood from his hair like his mother used to wring out saltwater. Would Phoenix’s hands be as stained red as his own? When she poured bowls of pure spring water over his head to wash out the soap, would the spring turn crimson? Was he washing the blood out, or was he bathing in it? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so the IX trailer dropped the other day :’) holy SHIT, right? I was shaking and hearing Palpatine’s laughter sent chills down my spine! So naturally I rushed to push out these first 12 chapters so that way I can get a good foothold before IX totally shatters the timeline ;)


	13. Scars

The next couple of days passed calmly.

Ead mostly sat near Phoenix as she did her daily activities, which Ead noticed always began and ended with washing her face with a rag and brushing her teeth with a primitive toothbrush made of some coarse animal hair on a stick of polished ivory. Phoenix offered him a new brush she had stored around when he woke up that first morning, and he felt as though his gums were bleeding as he brushed his teeth. At the same time, Ead understood how Phoenix had such pearly white teeth; he had to admit, he didn’t really expect anyone on this planet to have good hygiene based on what he had seen from the town they briefly visited. In fact, Phoenix was probably the most well-groomed person Ead had seen on Yweh Nan yet. When Ead woke up, she was brushing her long hair, which spilled on the stone floor as she was sitting in front of a mirror of polished bronze at a low lying vanity table. When Ead finished brushing his teeth and washing his face in a small spring, she was still sitting there, running a hairbrush that looked like a larger version of the toothbrushes through that cloak of black hair.

“Will you not brush your hair?” She asked him as Ead stood behind her, gazing at him through the mirror.

“I don’t brush my hair,” he responded.

“You don’t seem to know how to take care of your hair!” She chuckled.

Ead suddenly felt embarrassed for a reason he could not explain. Sure, he knew how to bathe and kept proper hygiene, but his hair? Really, he didn’t think his hair would need much attention other than a quick douse in the shower, a quick run-through with soap, and another rinse to wash out the soap. _Brushing_ it was another matter; he hated the tangles and knots that just seemed to _magically_ appear whenever he used a comb or brush. His fingers worked just fine in his opinion — until now, as Phoenix smiled at him and joked at him, but it wasn’t funny. Not to him. Things he never cared about until now, until this girl came.

“Come sit,” she ordered gently, standing up and pointing to the cushion she was sitting on with the brush. Ead felt his legs lift before he realized it, and he sat with his legs crossed on the cushion.

Phoenix knelt behind him, sitting on her heels which made her equal to his sitting height (maybe a fraction taller, since Ead could see the crown of her head behind him). Her fingers gathered his wavy hair, some tresses in wide ringlets. Starting from the roots of his hair, Phoenix slowly yet carefully dragged the brush through Ead’s brassy-brown hair; he could feel the coarse bristles of the brush graze against his scalp. Whenever Phoenix hit a knot in his hair, she would take her free hand, grip the lock of hair right above the knot, and repeatedly brush with a particular vigor that wasn’t exactly aggressive  until the knot came undone. It didn’t hurt at all.

All the while, Ead just stared at his own reflection. He didn’t know how to feel about himself. Sometimes, he’d see his father in the bronze mirror; other times, his mother. Staring back at him. Watching him. Waiting for him. Asking him. Begging him.

_“Light or Dark? Make your choice, Ead.”_

But when Phoenix would tilt her head and reveal her face from behind Ead’s head, he could only look at her. A calm smile on her lips; her eyes gazing at her brush through his hair, following it up and down. And sometimes, she’d look back into the mirror and meet Ead staring at her through it. Ead would never catch her reaction since he’d just divert his gaze a few inches and act as though he were looking at himself the whole time.

After a breakfast of fried eggs (at least, they tasted and _look_ like eggs but with a scarlet yolk), some sort of thinly sliced sausage, and fluffy white rice (Ead liked it a lot better than the coarse grains he was so used to eating), Ead followed Phoenix back to that command center set in stone. Ead almost expected that Force ghost to appear again.

Who _was_ he, anyway? A Jedi Knight, yes, but he looked so _young._ How could anyone become one with the Force that young but not be declared master? And what was with that vision of his great-grandfather, standing right where they stood and bringing down the rocks to seal off access to the dish?

Phoenix sat down at her little station, and Ead took an empty chair and sat next to her. He leaned in close to her in order to hear the noise that bled from the earpiece she wore in order to pick up transmissions. She noticed and simply twisted the piece so that they could share.

“This is how I perfected Basic over the years,” Phoenix told him as she twisted dials as static white noise filled the space between them. “When I first came here, I used to hear things from the Resistance. They constantly told stories of the old Jedi Order and the legend of Luke Skywalker, the last Jedi. They told the stories about the evil Palpatine and how he fooled the whole galaxy and wiped out almost all of the Jedi. They were the same stories on a loop, and I first wrote their words down. I could probably recite those stories, honestly. But it was how I learned Basic. And then a few years later, the First Order appeared. I never heard the broadcasts from the Resistance again. I guess it was refreshing to hear things outside of the loop of Jedi stories, but then I realized how the Resistance and the First Order said two completely different things! I honestly didn’t know what to believe until I looked through and saw all the holes in the First Order’s stories.”

On the console in front of them lay several strips of wood held together by string near the ends. In a black ink were words that Ead didn’t know; the written language of Yweh Nan was so different from Aurebesh. However, another scroll was written completely in Aurebesh.

 _“Luke Skywalker, Jedi Knight”_ sprawled across the center top of the scroll. Ead grabbed a strip of wood and pulled the whole thing closer to him.

“Do you know the story?” Phoenix asked him.

“Yeah, of course, I do,” Ead responded. He held back from adding, _“Who doesn’t?”_

Luke Skywalker, Jedi Knight. What did that mean to him? Would Ead tell her that he was related to the famous Jedi by blood, that Luke was his grandmother’s twin brother? Would he tell her that he essentially brought an end to the Empire? Or would he tell her that Luke Skywalker tried to murder his own nephew — Ead’s own father — in his sleep? How did he even feel? The Skywalker name instilled awe upon any utterance, but the story his father told left a bitter taste in Ead’s mouth.

 _“It was a moment of weakness, but by then, it was too late,”_ his mother’s voice echoed from somewhere in the back of his head.

Two sides to a story that changed the fate of the galaxy, the fate of the Jedi. But which should Ead believe?

“Nowadays, I only hear news reports from the First Order.” Phoenix sighed, sinking down to rest her head in her arms on the console.

“What have you heard?” Ead felt his heart begin to race. He already knew the answer.

“Well, before, there used to be a bunch of reports to look for the Resistance, blah blah, making _them_ look like the bad guys. But now, all I hear is some kind of search? They’re looking for someone. Someone named _Eedren_.”

Ead instinctively looked to her as his eyebrows furrowed down. The way she pronounced _his_ name sounded…strange; she didn’t put a space between his first and last name, connecting them into one name like an obscure variant of _“Adrian.”_

“Do you know them?” Phoenix asked, her eyes widening. But not in fear or shock. In _hope._ In _excitement._

This was the moment that could change everything. Ead knew that whatever he said could make or break whatever bond, whatever trust between him and Phoenix. He could already tell that she swayed towards the Resistance; how would she react to the fact that she had saved the son of the Supreme Leader: patricidal, matricidal, master-cidal, genocidal Kylo Ren? What did she know? Did she even know?

“Yeah, I’ve heard of him,” Ead said at last; he made his choice. “He’s the son of the Supreme Leader, right?”

Phoenix gave a confirming nod, adding, “They don’t say why he’s disappeared. Do you have an idea?”

“Maybe he ran away,” Ead answered a little too abruptly.

“Run away? Why would he do that? He’s the son of the Supreme Leader!”

“Yeah, but the Supreme Leader’s done awful things. Maybe he wasn’t happy.”

“I heard that _Eedren_ is very powerful. If he wasn’t happy, then why didn’t he just...make himself happy?”

“Maybe he didn’t know how. He’s human, like us — I imagine.” Ead struggled with this. It felt so strange to be referring to himself as if he were another person. “Maybe he wanted to get away from all the awful things his father has done.”

Phoenix sat up, leaning against her hand. Ead could see her cheek billow against the hand as she tilted her head. Was her face soft? It looked like he could pinch the skin of her cheeks and pull on it. Push in on them with the flat palms of his hand and make them puff up just like she was making them right now.

“I wouldn’t blame him if he did,” Phoenix commented.

 _‘But would you blame him for the other crimes he’s committed?’_ Ead asked her in his head; he already knew the answer. _‘What would you do then? With the monster you saved? Would you regret it? Would you wish you should’ve just left me there to die?’_

The next day, in the early afternoon and right after lunch, Phoenix told him — in a voice pitcher much higher than usual — that she should wash his clothes. Before Ead could ask what he would wear in place of the only clothes he had, she thrust a black silk robe into his hands and turned away.

“I’ll be bathing. You can come in after me,” she said with her back to him.

 _‘What’s wrong? Why won’t you look at me? Was it something I said? Something I did?’_ Ead began to fear that she heard his anxious thoughts from the day before and knew. Knew that he himself was the son of a monster and becoming one himself and lied to her and now lived that lie.

Ead unbuttoned his coat and peeled off the two layers of shirts underneath. He then slid the robe onto his shoulders; he wasn’t exactly comfortable with taking off his pants. He made sure to fold the ends of the robe over his torso and fold his arms across his chest.

“Nice look,” a voice sounded behind him.

Ead whipped around and saw the apparition of the young Jedi Knight he encountered on his first day in the mountains.

“Can—can _she_ see you?” Ead asked quietly and pointed towards the outside.

“No, not if I allowed her to,” the Jedi Knight responded with a smirk.

“Why are you here? I’m on the Dark side.”

“The side of the Force you’re on isn't permanent.” The Jedi folded his arms and began to pace around, making Ead slowly spin to face him. “Light-side users can fall to the Dark, and vice versa. Of course, it’s easier to succumb to the Dark side than the Light.”

“Why?”

“Every being is inclined to do bad. It’s just _easier_ to _be_ bad. When somebody pushes you, what’s your first reaction? Push back? Snap at them? Throw a glare? It’s much harder to just let slide and keep your calm. That’s just the nature of beings. It takes work to be good.”

“That can’t be true,” Ead blurted. “There’s got to be _some_ people where goodness comes naturally.” Namely, Phoenix.

“There may be, but even that takes training. It takes a greater evil to make somebody good,” the Jedi responded with a profound wisdom that made Ead’s head spin.

 _‘How could that be true? Evil just breeds more evil,’_ Ead questioned.

“Evil accents the good,” the Jedi answered as if Ead has asked aloud. “Evil can’t exist without good, just as good can’t exist without evil.”

“Balance.” The word spilled from Ead’s lips as if he had been reciting it his whole life.

“Exactly.” The Jedi smiled at Ead. “I’m guessing what I’m about to say is going to sound cheesy now, but you should know, it’s very much true.”

“Is it the thing about light without dark, dark without light?” Ead asked, scrunching up his face as if to reach deep into his mind.

 _“‘Darkness without light is an abyss. Light without darkness is blinding. You can’t have a coin with one side,’”_ the Jedi recited. “Of course, it’s hard to practice. Everybody wants their side to come out on top.”

“Why are you here, visiting _me?”_ Ead couldn’t handle it anymore. He had to know. “What’s with all this philosophy bullshit about light and dark? You’re here for a reason, and I want to know. This shouldn’t be happening.”

That smirk again. Ead almost cringed at it.

“Maybe next time, kid,” the Jedi said as he faded out of existence.

Ead was left alone to his own thoughts. What did the Jedi mean by _“training”_ to be good? What did that say about Phoenix? A _“greater evil”_ making her _“good?”_ A greater evil just brings out the worst in people.

When Phoenix finished bathing, she gestured for Ead to go, taking his folded clothes. Ead stepped out into the natural courtyard and began to disrobe as Phoenix turned to another spring that Ead found out was meant especially for washing clothes. As the black silk spilled off his back, he could feel the warmth of the fire, the warm mist from the springs, the evaporation of that mist budding on his bare skin and cooling him.

“I’ll need to wash your pants, t — oh!” Phoenix started, only to cut herself off with a sharp gasp.

Ead twisted his upper body to face her and saw her gawking at him from the laundry springs. Was it because he was shirtless? He really didn’t think much of his body. In fact, he always tried to forget about it.

When Ead glanced down at his own bare torso, he could see the faint pink and raised lines that marred his white canvas of skin. All over his back in streaks or arches. A single slash of a lightsaber starting from his right shoulder and crossed down and over, ending at the bottom  left arch of his rib cage. Some of these scars made crevices in his skin while others rose like ridges. The constant reminders he forced out of his mind years ago that remained permanent on his skin.

And Phoenix saw it. What was she thinking?

He raised his head to meet her wide-eyed stare, and a long silence ensued between them. Ead could tell she wanted to know something; he sensed it tingling from her mind. He wasn’t ready, however, for what she really asked.

“What did you do?”

Not _“what happened?”_ Not _“who did this to you?”_ Not _“how did you get those?”_

Those four words told him more about Phoenix than any of their interactions yet. She knew what those scars across his back meant, and it broke his heart to even consider that she had to endure or at least witness the same in order to know.

Ead was about to saying that he didn’t commit anything to earn the scars when he realized that the wounds he received were punishment for the crimes he would commit in the years to follow. Preemptive punishment. But he could pinpoint the reason for it.

“I was my father’s son,” he told her.

And the look on her face told him she knew exactly what that meant. To be born into something you had no power over yet must endure the consequences. What did she endure? Who was she, really? Why did she have to understand his pain?

“I’m sorry,” she told him. “For whatever you went through and for looking.”

“It’s fine,” Ead dismissed. “Secrets never stay secrets.”

When Phoenix gave him a little smile and turned away, Ead began to finish stripping off his clothes in order to bathe. The first thing he did was sink below the surface of the water, slowly exhaling and watch the bubbles of his breath mingle with the bubbles of the spring.

\-----

Seven-year-old Ead blinked awake. He didn’t know where he was. He didn’t know _who_ he was, other than that his name was Ead. Everything was metallic and black, but it was bright. He sat up, seeing a bed around him. Sheets and pillows of a muted gray. The room was very large with all sorts of large fancy boxes and big cushy chairs and tables topped with glass.

At that very moment, the doors opened, sliding quickly and quietly into the door frame. Two people stood there, one tall and one short. They both had on black clothes and had black hair. The taller person had more wavy-ish hair while the shorter person had straight hair. They walked closer, the taller person getting ahead despite walking with more deliberation in his steps (his legs were much longer and he took longer strides). The tall man stopped beside Ead on his bed. Ead just stared up at the man, but it felt like he were looking at himself.

“Papa,” was the first word that came out of Ead’s mouth.

The man smiled a little; Ead could see the corner of his mouth lift, but his eyes told him how happy he was. They were soft and big.

“Yes, Ead. It’s your papa,” he agreed in a voice that was low yet warm. Like a big but fluffy bear.

Ead’s eyes then wandered to the other person. The person who was definitely shorter and younger than Papa. He looked Ead’s age, maybe older.

“Who’s that, Papa?” Ead pointed and asked.

“It’s rude to point, Ead,” his papa advised gently before turning and looking at the boy.

The boy stepped forward, lifting his head and allowing his long hair that had draped in front his face to fall back. At first glance, Ead thought this boy looked just like his father since the only blatant difference was their natural hairstyle, but Ead could see that their faces were remarkably different. This boy had much darker eyes that rested further beneath his eyebrows — which were thick and bushy compared to his father’s relatively neat-looking ones.

“Who are you?” Ead asked him.

The boy glanced to Ead’s father, who had traded places with the boy by shifting some feet back to allow the boys some regulated privacy. Ead barely caught the nearly-imperceptible single nod of his father’s head. The boy turned back, not meeting Ead’s curious and eager eyes by staring straight down at the bedsheets. He then took a deep breath, looked up to stare Ead dead in those eyes, and said,

“I’m your big brother.”

Ead’s face must have lightened up dramatically; he could feel his whole body lift. In fact, he _was_ lifting — hovering a foot over his bed and caused the sheet he was under to float over him as well! His father and brother seemed surprised, but his father ran to grab Ead’s hand and bring him down.

“Let’s not get too carried away now,” his father advised carefully, resting a paw of a hand on Ead’s back. “You’ve forgotten everything because of your little accident, so don’t be afraid to ask questions.”

“What’s your name!?” Ead asked his brother excitedly. “How old are you!?”

“Call me, ‘Husky,’ and I’m twelve,” His brother sat down beside Ead. “Do you really not remember _anything?”_

Ead shook his head and said, “I just know that my name is Ead, and that that’s Papa, and you’re my big brother Husky!”

“That’s right.” Husky smiled a little, the same way his father did. He put a hand in Ead’s short, closely shaven head.

“But if you’re my brother, and that’s Papa, that must mean there’s a mama around, right?”

Husky glanced back to his father again. Ead could see his father straighten his back, making himself even taller.

“We aren’t allowed to talk about her,” he said quietly. “She’s nothing.”

“How can she be nothing? She’s our mama!” Ead tried to argue.

“Well, do _you_ know who she is?” Husky asked, his voice rising with mocking curiosity.

“Um... _no,_ but _we’re_ here, which means she isn’t nothing because she made us!”

“That’s enough, Ead. Husky is right. Your mother is nothing. She doesn’t matter. What does matter is that you’re okay. Now, never speak of her again, do you hear me?” Ead’s father stepped forward with quick steps and a stern look on his face, and Ead didn’t like it because it looked very scary.

“Yes, Papa,” Ead said, hanging his head low before popping it back up to ask more brightly, “Why don’t I remember anything?”

His father looked to Husky, who spoke up, “You were practicing with another kid. He hit you pretty hard, and you hit your head.”

“Is that why my head hurts?”

“Does this make it hurt more?” Husky asked with a mischievous grin and hitting Ead in the back of the head.

“Hey!” Ead smiled, throwing off the sheets as Husky ran off and wanting to chase him. However, the moment his bare feet touched the ground, he felt dizzy and nearly collapsed — had it not been for his quick and strong father.

“Now, now, Ead,” his father beckoned. “You’re still weak and recovering. You need to rest. Then, you can go back to living normally.”

“But what is _‘normally?”_ Ead asked. “I forgot everything. I didn’t even remember my own big brother!”

“You’ll see,” his father reassured. “You’ll learn.”

Ead looked to Husky, who gave him a little smile by pursing his lips.

\-----

Ead was nine years old. He was sleeping in his bed in his isolated quarters at the opposite side of the hall from his father’s. Ead always remembered where his room was by likening it to the horizontal and vertical ends of the letter _krenth_ ; his father’s room was all the way at the end of one hall, and at the end of the opposite hall was Ead’s. The closest person to Ead was Husky, who lived at the start of their hall. Ead had outgrown the phase of constantly sneaking into his father’s or his brother’s room and cuddling beside them, but it would have spared him a great deal if he hadn’t.

He was sleeping, but the sound of his doors opening woke him up. He thought it was strange since the patrols and droids never knew the special code to unlock them, but he was wrong. Nothing was ever a secret when it came to electronic data.

Ead knew something was wrong, but he was nine years old with his father, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren, always guarding and protecting him. But not then. If only his father was with him then. But Ead thought he was a big kid. He sat up. Would that have made a difference if he pretended to sleep? Ead could see two silhouettes, and suddenly Ead saw the blue ring of a stun blast, and everything went black.

When things slowly started to lighten up, Ead felt his head ache as if he had hit it. Every muscle in his body felt sore. He tried to move around, but he discovered that his wrists and ankles were bound by rectangular cuffs. He didn’t know where he was, but he was surrounded by figures cloaked in black. Tall, short, fat, skinny, all shapes and sizes, but all in black. He didn’t know who they were individually, but he could sense that he _knew_ them. That if they took off their hoods and masks, Ead would recognize them. Somebody began speaking, their voice sounded warped as if Ead were underwater. He didn’t know if they were wearing something that changed their voice or if he was still suffering from the stun blast. The speech sounded garbled, but at one point, Ead could make out cheers and applause. Where was he? Was he still on the ship, the _Hegemony? Heh. Gem. Moh. Knee. Heh. Gemoh. Knee. Hegemony._ A big word, but fun to say.

 _“...bastard child know his place!”_ Ead picked up from the speech giver. Another roar of applause.

Ead felt a shadow fall over him. He craned his neck to look up, but he only saw a tall, hooded figure in a cloth mask that covered their nose and mouth with a second strip of a cloth for a mask that had holes for the eyes. The figure had something in his hand and raised his arm and quickly brought it down. Ead could feel and hear and see the electricity. At that moment, Ead felt something rip across his back, crackling with electricity and the strength of the whip. He let out a yelp of pain, and he thought he heard laughter. The figure kept raising his arm and bringing it back down, and each time it happened, Ead felt something lash across his back. It _hurt_. It really did. Ead cried. He cried out for his father. At one point, he heard someone jeer:

_“Your father can’t help you now!”_

Ead knew his father would do something about this if he told him, but the more Ead thought about it, how would his father know who to punish? They were all dressed in black and covered their faces. Ead had his hands and feet bound by heavy metal bricks of cuffs. What was he — himself _or_ his father — going to do?

Ead was nine years old. He had been abducted and taken to a secret area of the _Hegemony_ where he was brutally whipped for who knew how long. Every tear he shed equated another hundred drops of blood that spilled from his own ripped flesh. He cried for his father, but his voice was gone; he had screamed his throat raw and it scratched to even breathe in through his mouth.

‘ _Father, where are you? What did you do to make them hate me? Why do they hate you so much that they hurt me? Help me, Father. It hurts. It hurts so much, Father. Please help me, father.’_

Ead looked up right as his assailant raised his arm, tears streaming down his face and blood draining from his back. With his eyes, he asked this figure, _“Why are you doing this to me?”_ The assailant didn’t answer, and Ead saw his arm begin to move.

 _‘WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?!’_ Ead’s mind screamed as he squeezed his eyes shut and bared his teeth. All of a sudden, everybody in the room flung backwards, some even flying into the wall.

The door opened. Ead looked up, but everything was blurry and smearing together.

 _“Ead!”_ He heard someone yell, but their voice felt a million miles away. But Ead already knew who it was.

Ead could see a bright streak of red. He felt the weight on his wrists and ankles fall away. He felt himself fall face first towards the ground, but something warm caught him. He felt warmth along his stomach and head and arms, but every movement tugged at the shredded flesh on his back, and he could only quietly groan in pain.

“Father...why did they hurt me…?” Ead heard himself say, but he didn’t recall his lips moving.

“It’s okay, Ead, I’m here. Ead, please stay awake,” his father’s voice pleaded. It was soft yet low. Begging Ead to hold on.

Ead heard the door slam shut. Ead could hear his father’s lightsaber turn on again.

 _“Cowards!”_ His father yelled as he slammed his lightsaber to the ground. The whipping figure screamed in pain as his arms were severed by the strike. It hurt Ead’s ears. He instinctively curled up, but that made him groan again in pain. _“How_ dare _you take your anger out on my son?! He is just a boy! If anybody has an issue, you take it to_ me! _Right here, right now. Who’d like to step up first?”_

Ead didn’t understand it, but when somebody did step up, they immediately fell down. He didn’t understand. In the chaos, Ead crawled towards the writhing, armless figure of the lasher. Ead pulled off their mask and hood, their armless torso twisting and turning all the while. Ead dropped the cloth mask and scrambled backwards when he saw the figure’s face: his trainer, the man who met with him every day to show him how to fight. The man who taught him everything, against him. Ead didn’t understand it. How his father single-handedly killed every single person in that room, ripped off their masks and hoods to reveal their identities, and publicly shamed them in front of the whole galaxy. Why they hated him so much to take him from his room and lash him. All the while, Ead had to sleep on his stomach for a whole week after surgical droids stitched him up with the black, metallic thread thinner than a strand of hair and woven tightly like a fabric.

During that week, Ead heard the doors fling open, and he recognized Husky’s voice.

“Ead!” Husky gasped; Ead could hear heavy and rapid footsteps as Husky ran to his bedside.

“Father told me about what happened,” he said in a hushed voice, almost drowned out by the sounds of his labored breathing. “I ran as fast as I could.”

“Why did they do that to me?” Ead asked. “Did they do it to you?”

Husky didn’t say anything for a moment.

“No, they didn’t,” he responded at last.

“Why did they do it to me?” Ead asked again.

“I don’t know. I’m sorry, Ead,” Husky said.

“Why are you sorry?”

“I’m supposed to be your big brother! But you got taken away, and look at you now!”

“They would’ve done the same to you if they caught you. It’s okay. I’m happy you’re okay.”

“Me, too.”

Ead felt a shadow pass over, and he saw Husky’s face in front of his. It was a face very much like Ead’s; the only differences were their noses and hair. Now, up close, Ead could see that Husky’s eyes were darker and deeper into his face than Ead’s. His eyebrows were also much thicker than Ead’s. Husky must have gotten more features from their father while Ead got more from their mother.

 _‘Can’t think about her. Can’t think about her. She’s nothing. Who is she? Nothing,’_ Ead forced himself to think.

Ead felt his brother’s warm lips press against the spot where his hair met his forehead.

“Did it hurt?” Husky asked.

Ead modded fervently.

“Does it still hurt?”

“It does when I move or touch it. Do you think I’ll heal? Or will I just keeping bleeding from the giant scratches in my back?”

“They’ll heal. They’ll turn pink or even white and you’ll look like a tiger.”

“I like tigers.”

“You like anything.”

“I don’t like getting hurt.”

“Nobody does,” Husky sighed, standing up and walking away.

“Husky!” Ead cried right as his brother stood in the open door frame.

His older brother turned his head. Ead couldn’t see his brother’s eyes by the way his hair was parted, but he _could_ see the top part of his nose as Husky slightly turned his head.

“You’re the best big brother ever,” Ead told him.

Every time Ead said that, Husky would always responded, _“I’m the_ only _brother you’ve ever had.”_ But Ead always said that because he wanted to hear his brother reciprocate it.

Imagine Ead’s surprised when Husky fully faced him with the saddest look in his eyes and said, “You’re the best little brother ever.”

\-----

As Ead dabbed the towel across his bare chest, he found himself blotting it along the massive scar across his torso. He felt a slight pain in it, as if somebody were squeezing it. He knew it wasn’t anything serious or physical but in fact the part of his heart that suffered and scarred just as he did on the outside. Phoenix hung up his clothes along a line that stretched between the trees of the courtyard; their bleak blackness sharply contrasted the pale stone surrounded them.

“Have you always lived by yourself?” Ead asked as he slipped on the robe again.

“No,” Phoenix responded as she pinned up Ead’s cloak. “I used to live with my family. There were nine of us: my parents and my six older siblings.”

“Wow.” Ead gave a descending glissando of a whistle. “Big family. How did they manage?”

“Love helped us a lot,” she said plainly. “What about you? What about your family?”

“I have a...rather dysfunctional family. My parents fight a lot,” Ead said as blasé as he could, trying to hide the fact about how much it hurt. Talk about an understatement. That little family fight amplified itself through the whole galaxy!

“What about your siblings?” Phoenix asked.

Ead found himself stunned at that question; it felt more jarring than it should have been. All those repressed memories, all the laughter and joy, screaming and yelling and crying and agony. A familiar face popped into Ead’s mind — a face he had not seen in years. Despite it, he had to answer honestly.

“I don’t have any siblings,” Ead told her. “I’m an only child.”


	14. Alone

“Are you sure I can’t come with you?” Ead asked as he helped Phoenix up onto Back Ma. He checked the satchel on her saddle to make sure she had everything she needed.

A whole week had passed since Ead’s arrival to Yweh Nan. Since then, Ead took up the art of folding paper into creatures and flowers with Phoenix’s guidance. He had yet to meet the ghost of the Jedi or experience any visions. It felt so liberating...to not have any connection to the Force. To forget about his connection. But forget as he might, it still stirred within him.

Today, Phoenix had a long list of items to purchase from the city of _Thweeit Bac_ for Ead and for their little household in general. Among them were items to line the stone bed alcove and make this place feel like home. Phoenix had asked him what color he liked, but all his life he wore black and grew familiar with neutral shades; he didn’t know what else to respond with other than “black.”

“Do you really want to walk out in all black and covering your face?” Phoenix asked. “This city is big, and your presence would spark rumors like fire.”

“Do you really want to leave me alone? What if I destroy everything? Eat all the food?” Ead asked with a grin on his face. Despite, he so wanted to go along with Phoenix. He did not want to be all by himself.

“I trust you.” Phoenix smiled down at him.

She then placed the large, flat circular hat made of long strips of a dried, durable leaf. The center of the flat hat had a smaller ring that fit Phoenix’s head — a built-in crown to keep the hat in place. A long gold sash from the diametric ends of the hat were tied underneath her chin to further secure the hat. Where the sash met the hat, two large tassels in a matching gold dangled from the hat. The hat had a large circumference and it reminded Ead of an umbrella on her head, only more plate-like. He saw similar fashions among the more ornate and wealthier planets with large brimmed hats, and he figured a veil coming off the brim would fit Phoenix well.

“Try not to make too much of a mess,” Phoenix advised playfully before she drew the reins on Back Ma.

Ead watched as they raced down a tunnel. He waited until he could not hear the _clop clop_ of Back Ma’s hooves on the stone floor anymore. He stood there, almost expecting the sounds to grow and Phoenix to appear again and say, _“Just kidding! Hop on!”_ But she didn’t. The wind howled through the entire cave system like a starving lone wolf, exiled by its pack.

For a moment, everything was still — frozen in the stone belly of the mountain — until a voice in the distance rang faintly through the stone tunnels.

_“Ead!”_

It sounded a million miles away, but Ead recognized it. The voice of someone he hadn’t seen in a very long time and hoped to never see again. The voice of a person long dead. It called out his name again, but this time a chill ran down Ead’s spine as he could hear the bristling rage and hatred in the vicious utterance of his name. He felt his chest fill with fear again, and it felt as though he would burst. He ran back to the living quarters and yanked his saberstaff right off the makeshift home from the empty candelabra. He gripped the hilt and ran down the nearest tunnel. He ran and ran and ran until he was out of breath.

He could practically hear the heaving respirations that didn’t belong to him. He could practically feel the stomping sprint rumble the earth behind him and nip at his heels. Practically hear the hum of the saber that was vying to impale or slice through Ead’s body. He didn’t look back then, and he didn’t look back now. He knew it would slow him down. Give the assailant slash its saber across his face, maybe take an eye or both. He ran and ran, and the sounds faded. Because Ead remembered outrunning it.

He didn’t know how long he had been running, but he finally reached a dead end. He could still hear footsteps. Ead pressed his back against the cold stone wall. When he held out his saber to ignite it, the hilt that came into view wasn’t his duel-ended saberstaff but a rapier-style lightsaber. When he thought he was holding his saberstaff with two hands, he found himself holding this rapier saber with one hand. His reality became the distant, scarring memory he had pushed from his mind for years.

Suddenly, he was thirteen again and standing in a snowy forest. The stone wall behind him was the rough bark of a tall and slender pine-like tree. The howl of the wind in the caves became the freezing, biting gusts that forced the snow that had already settled to fly up and fall again.

 _“You have nothing to fear. I’m here”_ became _“I’m here, and you should be afraid.”_ The same voice, once loving but now oozing furious hatred.

_“There can only be one apprentice. Only one of us.”_

Ead’s thumb pressed the switch and ignited his blade. With the crackle-hum, he snapped back to reality. He was pressed against the dead-end of a cave, holding out his ignited saberstaff to the nonexistent opponent. Thank goodness Phoenix had gone; how embarrassing would it have been if she had witnessed this. Ead let out a deep sigh, an amalgam on relief and frustration and concentration. He put down his saber and started to head back, following the sounds of the wind. Behind him, he sensed a powerful presence and turned.

_That Jedi Knight._

“Impressive.” The Jedi smirked, but his voice revealed the playful sarcasm. “You sure know how to run.”

“I saw something. It was a vision, I guess, but of the past.” Ead wasn’t sure how to put it. It started with a ghost from the past and gradually overcame his whole mind.

“I can’t say I saw exactly what you saw, but I know it. Your memories. They can never go away.”

“What’s the point?” Ead folded his arms. “The past is the past. It’s said and done.”

“Is that what you really think, or is that what you’ve been taught to believe?”

Ead opened his mouth to respond, only to find himself speechless. He couldn’t answer that; it was a simple question, but he couldn’t give a definite response.

 _“Let the past die. Kill it if you have to.”_ His father’s voice boomed in his mind. The Jedi Knight seemed to have heard, but he wasn’t surprised by it as Ead was. As if _he_ had heard it before, but not Ead. Those words never came out of his father’s mouth and to Ead’s own ears before, but he could understand how and why his father lived by that philosophy: to justify what he did to his own parents — Ead’s grandparents —, to Rey, to Luke Skywalker, to Snoke. He wanted to forget the past because it had already happened and there was nothing anybody could do to bring them back — to erase Ead’s existence.

“What do you really think about it?” The Jedi asked. “The past? Do you agree with your father?”

No. No, he didn’t. Ead didn’t need to speak at this point; the Jedi seemed to pick up everything. He didn’t agree. The past was the past, yes, but the past shaped the present and future. What happened in the past made the present and influenced the future. Erase the past, and you live every moment anew. The future was always uncertain, but with the past, you could map it out with the present. Without it, how would they avoid mistakes or crimes they already made?

The past couldn’t die. And even if somebody wanted to forget their past, other people would remember. Even if somebody tried to shed their past like a snakeskin, the past would still have influence on their new life.

“You’re exactly right,” the Jedi commended. “So why do you still live by your father’s way of thinking?”

“I don’t. That’s why I’m here. I found about the past, and I won’t tolerate it.”

“But you don’t intend on staying here.”

“I also don’t know how to change him. I don’t know if I can.”

“Your father is...no offense, easily manipulated. He’s like you, constantly battling Light and Dark. Have you seen his eyes? They’re not yellow, like a typical Dark side user. Funny how it works, since — ”

“Please don’t complete that thought,” Ead blurted.

The Jedi raised his good brow. Ead realized his mistake then; he was suppressing his past. But it was too painful. It was what made him now, allowed to _be_ here now, but he hated it.

“You balance everything you learn from your mother and your father well. I don’t know if you know that, but you do. But that’s not always a good thing. You contradict yourself quite a bit,” the Jedi voiced his observation.

“That happens a lot when two polar opposites meld into one. I don’t understand this balance thing. You just _can’t_ balance white and black. You have to have a long gradient of gray, but how can there be a ‘dim’ side of the Force? A switch that can progressively darken or illuminate the Force? It’s not paint you can blend together; it’s just pouring oil in water!”

The Jedi let out a long sigh. He turned to face the dead-end wall, and Ead almost expected him to vanish at that point. However, the Jedi began to speak. Reciting something in near monotony:

_“Only through sacrifice of many Jedi will the Order cleanse the sin done to the nameless. The danger of the past is not past, but sleeps in an egg. When the egg cracks, it will threaten the galaxy entire. When the Force itself sickens, past and future must split and combine. A Chosen One shall come, born of no father, and through him will ultimate balance in the Force be restored.”_

The Jedi looked over his shoulder back at Ead, his expression unreadable.

“Do you believe in prophecies?” he asked Ead.

“I’ve never really heard one myself before,” he told the Jedi honestly. “Do you?”

The Jedi turned his head to the wall again, tilting his head up.

“I do,” he said at last.

“Is it true that they always come true?”

“Everybody who receives a tragic one always does everything in their power to avoid it, which only makes it come true. What’s the point then? Many Jedi turn away from prophecies since they’re vague and can cause chaos and confusion. I know of a great Jedi, however, who believed in them. He believed especially in the Chosen One prophecy.”

“Who _is_ the _‘Chosen One?’_ ” Ead asked.

The Jedi fully looked at Ead; a corner of his lip curved upward a little — a movement so subtle, Ead almost didn’t catch it.

“Many believe it was a great Jedi named Anakin Skywalker. He became a powerful Jedi, but he lost his way. He was killed by Darth Vader. But he didn’t fail. Well, he won’t.”

Did Jedi _always_ speak in riddles, or at least blur their meaning with ambiguous, cryptic vocabulary? What was that supposed to mean? If the Chosen One was dead, then there would be no hope for the galaxy.

“Not true. You must know the story of Luke Skywalker,” the Jedi interrupted his thoughts. “He was able to defeat Vader.”

“But things weren’t restored. Luke Skywalker created Kylo Ren.”

“And Kylo Ren created you. There’s always new hope. Did you ever think about how your grandmother named your father after her only hope?”

“I didn’t know that. I didn’t even know my father’s real name.”

 _Ben Solo._ Did that make him Ead Solo? That sounded strange even in his own mind.

“Ben Kenobi. Otherwise known as Obi-Wan Kenobi, a great Jedi Master.”

“Wasn’t he killed by Darth Vader?”

“He’s not truly dead. He lives on in the Force, like I am.”

“Can he visit the living like you do?”

“Of course he can.”

“If he has such a strong connection with the Force and my family, why isn’t he here?”

The Jedi immediately let out a guffaw that made Ead leap back a few feet; Ead didn’t know what was so funny nor did he expect the Jedi to release such an outburst. Seeing the Jedi actually smile rather than that snarky smirk felt refreshing. But then the Jedi gave a typical, enigmatic response:

“A very wise Jedi once said, _‘Nothing happens by accident_.’ Everything happens for a reason. Besides, I’m afraid I’m the only one who can reach you.”

“Why?”

“You ask a lot of questions. I like that, but sometimes you might find that you find your answers before you even have to ask.”

And just like that, the Jedi faded out of existence again, leaving Ead with a million more questions buzzing in his mind.

 _‘Who are you? How do you know everything? Why are you here? Why isn’t Obi-Wan Kenobi seeing me? Why are you the only one who can? What’s with the whole_ ‘Chosen One’ _bullshit? Who is Anakin Skywalker?’_

But Ead knew that even if he asked the Jedi ghost, he wouldn’t receive any of those answers. And besides, he actually liked something in that Jedi’s manner and attitude. It reminded him very strongly of someone — but this time, in a good way. Someone he always strived to be.

Ead gradually found his way to the living quarters, and as he passed by Phoenix’s bed alcove, he noticed the patch of papers that covered a significant amount of stone wall. Drawings and paintings and sketchings, yes, but one stuck out to him: a pencil sketch of a young man with long, wavy hair. It was just a face, solemn and with a wavy tress falling over his right eye. It was a messy drawing; every continuous line was actually comprised of several smaller strokes in the same direction overlapping and contributing its little portion to the master line. Ead didn’t know who the person in the sketch was until he saw the little word in Phoenix’s handwriting:

_“Ead”_

He couldn’t help but rush to the nearby mirror at the low vanity table and examine his face. Did he  actually look like that? Or did Phoenix just exaggerate some of his features? He could swear his jaw was not that angular, but when he twisted his head to the side, he could see it. He always considered his nose to be gigantic, but in Phoenix’s drawing, it wasn’t. Was it just her style? Did he always frown like that? Look so angry? Was that an accidental mark or was it intended to be a freckle, a mole, a pimple?

_‘What does she see that I don’t?’_

He looked like his father, and he hated it. What made him happy? What never failed to make him smile? Make him laugh? Filled his heart with joy and lifted his spirit to the skies?

“Ead?” His mother’s voice sounded like music to his ears.

Ead stood up from the table. It looked like his mother was actually there. Was this another dream? Another vision? Another Force ghost?

“Mama?” Ead asked cautiously. “Are you really there? This isn’t just some crazy dream?”

“I’m here, but this is the Force connecting us. I don’t know what you can see, but to me, it looks like you’re in...some sort of cave? A decorated cave?”

“You can see that?” Ead looked around quickly.

“This is unlike anything that happened between me and your father…” His mother gazed all around her. “This is…fascinating! But why have you brought me here?”

“I... _brought_ you here? How does that work?”

“I don’t know. With your father, connections were at random. I saw him in my environment, and he saw me in his. Can you see what’s around me?”

“No, I just see my place. What’s going on?”

“I suppose because we’re mother and son…we can connect at will?”

His mother had a wondrous look in her eyes, like a child still baffled by the tiny miracles in life. However, Ead didn’t feel the same. He could feel his chest tighten and twist the insides of his torso to become a helix. If mother and son could connect, who was to say of father and son? If his mother could see where he was, then who was to say his father couldn’t?

“What’s wrong, Eadie?”

“Mama, does this mean Father can connect to me?”

“Eadie, I’ve been trying to reach out to you for _days!_ Sometimes, I can’t even sense if you’re alive! I’ve been worried _sick!_ You have… _something,_ something within in the Force. I can’t make sense of it, but the Force listens to you.”

“But…?”

“I don’t think your father can connect to you unless you connect to him. How long will you be staying here? Wherever this is?” His mother did another long gaze, craning her neck all around and taking in the sight. “It seems like you live with another person.”

“They’re helping me,” Ead answered, maybe a little too quickly. “This place is cut off from the galaxy, isolated. They don’t know anything about the First Order or the Resistance! They don’t even speak Basic! I just got lucky that I found someone who does.”

“Eadie, you have to be very careful.” His mother reached out and tried to rest her hands on his shoulders. He couldn’t feel their weight, but he could feel their warmth, their love, their care. “I won’t press it anymore, but I don’t know where you are in this massive galaxy. I want to find you, but I know you need your space.”

“I know, Mama.” Ead tried to smile again. “When I’m ready, I’ll come back to you. I don’t know when, but I’ll keep you updated as much as I can.”

“You’re lucky I wasn’t busy today,” his mother said with a warm playfulness. “I imagine if I was in the middle of something!”

“The Force will know,” Ead said, triggering something deep in his memory.

 _“It always does,”_ the mother and son recited in unison, causing them to both chuckle.

“Remember, Eadie, I love you…” his mother told him, and in the blink of an eye, she was gone. The air felt cold and still with the only sounds of the howl of the wind outside.

“I love you, too, Mama!” Ead cried, hoping she may have caught it.

And there he was. Alone again.

\-----

Eight-year-old Ead found himself hitting the padded ground. He put his arms out in front of him in an X-shape over his face and rolled the moment he felt the floor beneath them. He laid on his back, and he felt something pull at his hair, which was growing out and covered his ears and forehead.

“C’mon, _Ead!”_ the older kids sneered. “Your daddy’s the Supreme Leader! Prove it!”

Ead saw the sole of a boot, and he rolled away just in time right as it stomped where his face would’ve been. On his stomach now, he could feel more boots dig into his side. Before, he’d crawl up into a ball, protect his head with his hands. The first six times, Ead did this. The seventh time, Husky walked in and threw every single one of the big kids into the ground and shouted at them. Ead had grabbed Husky back from punching one of them in the face, begging his older brother to not report the incident to the adults. Husky threw them glares and told Ead to start defending himself, that _“you know, Ead, I’m not always gonna be here to protect you.”_

Ead had been training under the ways of the Force from his father with Husky. For the past few weeks, after physical training, he would join a group of big kids (which included Husky) and join them for training in the ways of the Force. Ead was the youngest in that group by five years (Husky was the next youngest). Despite it, it was always Ead and Husky who did the best. Other than Husky, Ead never saw the other big kids who trained with them. And those big kids never bullied Husky or Ead. Mostly because Husky always won Force duels — a one-on-one activity and whoever subdued the other with the Force would win. Husky won within milliseconds, Force-choking his opponent right when the signal to start was given. When it was Ead against his big brother, there was an actual battle going on.

But that was with Husky. How could Ead fight a whole swarm of big kids who could beat him up and snap him like a twig? He could Force-choke one but get punched into oblivion by the rest. Besides, as he was ducking boots to his face and torso left and right, he couldn’t really think of a plan. He just thrust his arm out, catching sight of the wooden training staffs.

Immediately he could hear the sounds of thick wooden dowels hitting skulls. Everybody either fell over or cowered down, giving Ead the chance to stand up and run. He left the bullies buried underneath the sticks and he managed to slip out of the training area; he could hear a couple of commanding troopers enter and yell. As he rounded the corner, he saw a single-file line of the Force-training big kids, Husky rounding the rear end. Right as Ead opened his mouth to call out for his older brother, Husky turned his head, saw Ead, and put a gloved finger to his lips. He glanced over his shoulder, his ends of  messy black hair catching air. He then turned back and gestured for Ead to come closer. Eagerly, Ead ran to him.

“Where are you going?” Ead asked in an excited whisper.

Husky tossed another look over his shoulder as the line marched further and further.

“We’re going to a…” Husky’s eyes rolled to the ceiling and met Ead’s again. “...special training session.”

“I wanna go!” Ead jumped a little.

“No!” Husky barked abruptly, which made Ead jump. He immediately covered his mouth and glanced back to the line. He bent down a little to tell Ead in a muted voice, “I-it’s only for big kids. You’re too little.”

“Aww…” Ead’s lips curled down and he stuck out his bottom lip.

“Don’t do that, Ead,” Husky begged, his eyebrows furrowing upwards in a wince. “How ‘bout this: you can follow us until I step on that ship, okay?”

Ead nodded his head eagerly; he walked beside his brother with bouncy, invigorated steps while Husky took his long, slow strides. Out on the docking bay, Ead could see several  Stormtroopers standing in formation to allow the line of Force-wielding trainees to pass through. At the head of the line was their father followed by a cluster of Knights of Ren. When did they get here? They hardly stopped by the _Hegemony_ , so they must be here for something important. But why hadn’t anyone told Ead? Wasn’t he training with them all, too?

When Husky and Ead walked out side by side, two of the troopers crossed their weapons in front of them.

“Kid’s not allowed. Strict orders from the Supreme Leader,” one of them intoned.

Husky looked to Ead and knelt down again, saying, “Stay here, buddy. I’ll come back before you know it.”

“Have fun!” Ead cried, throwing his arms around his brother’s neck.

“Ha, yeah…” Husky muttered, forcing air out of his nostrils. “Alright, alright, Ead, I gotta go now.”

Ead unlatched from Husky, who stood up straight and faced forwards. The guards uncrossed their weapons, and Husky strolled right past them, the loose, flowing black cape that folded over one of his shoulders and across his torso and trailed the ground flying gently behind him in his strides.

Husky stepped onto the shuttle when some of the troopers began to ascend. Husky cast a look over his shoulder to Ead as the door shut. Ead watched as the shuttle hovered over the ground, made its way out into space, and then jumped to hyperspace. Gone, in the blink of an eye.

Ead waited for as long as he could. He eventually fell asleep at his own desk by a window. He didn’t know how long they were gone. He was alone. Completely, purely, utterly alone. No Knights of Ren, no father, no Husky, no Force friends. Just him. Little eight year old Ead.

Too young to understand why, when the ship finally returned, everybody on the _Hegemony_ held their breaths. Stood still and watched as the stormtroopers lined up along the sides of the door on the docking bay. As Kylo Ren walked out with a hand on Husky’s shoulder. As everybody applauded. Too young to understand why Husky didn’t even acknowledge the applause and just stared to the ground with a big frown on his face. Too young to understand why only the Knights of Ren came out of the ship after them and why the other Force-wielding trainees didn’t. Too young to understand why, when Ead walked up and stood right in front of his family, Husky just immediately embraced him wordlessly while their father just looked off to the side. Too young to understand any of it.

Ead, young and innocent and naive, believed that the rest of the Force trainees would appear the next day. But it was just Husky and the Knights of Ren.

Husky became quieter from then on. His sentences became shorter and less frequent. He hardly smiled or laughed. Ead thought that maybe he was sworn to secrecy and expected Husky to open his mouth as if to say something but immediately close it, but it never happened; Husky’s lips remained sealed in a blank frown. His eyes always looked a million miles away. Ead knew not to ask. Of course, Husky still acted happy to Ead, but he knew something had happened to his big brother when he left with all the other trainees and came back alone.

Little Ead didn’t know it yet, but he would soon face a brutal and bitter reality. Husky knew it. Kylo knew it. They both hated it. They wanted a different way, but it wasn’t possible. The Knights of Ren were adamant, but Kylo managed to push it off as long as he could.

 _“Till the boy turns thirteen, just like the other one!”_ Ead overheard his father shout in his room one night, talking to probably a holotransmission. _“I understand tradition very well, but_ I _am the Supreme Leader_ and _your master! I should do away with this antiquated rule!”_

Ead didn’t know what any of it meant then. He simply walked back to his room.

Thirteen? He was eight. But Husky was thirteen. When Ead was thirteen, Husky would be…(Ead stuck out his fingers to do the math)… eighteen. What would happen when Ead turned thirteen, the age Husky was right now?

He wanted to find Husky, but his older brother was never in one place anymore. His family was back, but Ead had never felt so alone.


End file.
